Drug Of Choice
by DMFAZINA
Summary: When one was as addicted to Kanda as Allen was, one tended to forget the laws of propriety, the laws of decency and the laws of self-respect. Kink KandaxAllen. WARNING: this fic contains yaoi, implied rape and noncon.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N -So, wow. Holy shit i haven't been here in AGES and when I come back it's not even to update anything, just another addition to the unfinished works folder. -_-'' don't you all love me? well since school is finally coming to an end and i have all week free for thanksgiving i guess i'll waste some time writing porn. well, it's not a waste of time it's just...porn. omfg yay._

_Warnings: weird kinky shit, stalker Allen, poor Lavi, bad updating habits, and Kanda being a jerk like really. Lenalee is a B.I.T.C.H _

_DISC: trust me you don't want me to own Dgayman. ._

Drug of Choice

"_The worst part about knowing he was addicted was knowing that it was purely by __**choice**__."_

**They got together in Grayman High, Kanda Yu and Lenalee Lee. On Valentine's Day right after Allen Walker had confessed.**

"_**Here...Kanda this is for you." Soft smiles and timid silver eyes, blushing cheeks and a whiff of vanilla in his scent.**_

_**Kanda's foreboding dark eyes and smirk didn't depress him but only made him more determined.**_

_**The rejection was not surprising.**_

**Lenalee was surprised at the sudden confession but wasn't reluctant to accept. No not at all in fact she seemed almost eager to accept the proposal.**

**The next few months were hell because Allen was suffering from a broken heart and Lenalee and Kanda's smiles were all over the school (excluding Kanda from this because that selfish bastard never smiles.)**

**It was after their first year that things got weird.**

_**Bam!**_

_**Allen's books hit the floor and the younger, smaller boy knelt down to pick them up ignoring the polished black school shoes of his senior that were so close to his face. But of course when he felt the heel pressing against his face he couldn't deny the fear that tightened in his stomach or the rage that burned at the wounds in his heart. Slowly his face was lifted and still holding a book Allen glared of up at Kanda...damned, selfish, horrible, amazing, beautiful Kanda. The shoes were clean and smelled of the polish used to keep them that way. Allen's petite face was scrunched up in annoyance but he made no move to push the shoe away, after all, it was Kanda's it was wonderful Kanda paying attention to him. He couldn't give this chance up for anything. **_

"_**Your books got my shoe dirty fucking Beansprout." Kanda's cold, sensual deep voice echoed in the empty hall and Allen ignored the malice and mockery in its tone. Lenalee hurried and stopped right next to Kanda gaping at the sight Allen made with his cheek on her boyfriends shoe. "Kanda what are you doing? We're gonna be late for class!" she said pointedly ignoring Allen. Bitch. Stupid. Fucking whore. Bitch...-**_

"_**Go on ahead." Kanda said smirking and drawing the girl in for a heady, drugging kiss, (like the ones Allen could only dream of.)**_

_**The girl trotted off without a second glance, so sure of her possessions she was huh? Allen's petty jealousy came up to greet him and make nasty little knots in his belly that stung like mothballs coated in acid. Kanda's hellish smirk only made it worse and his shoe pressed harder against Allen's cheek aiming to bruise and redden. If only Kanda knew...Allen would allow him to do so much more if he wanted whatever he wanted...if he'd only belong to him.**_

_**Kanda glared at him. "Well brat you got my shoe dirty, what are you gonna do?"**_

_**There were so many things running through Allen's mind. Could he possibly have a chance at getting Kanda? No...Not possible. Well, he could take a boy partner and show Kanda what he was missing...no that would disgust the Japanese beauty, Allen could aim to steal Lenalee away from him, but the mere idea of trying to flirt with that girl was sickening to his stomach which was all ready reeling from how nervous he was at being so close to Kanda.**_

_**There was however another way.**_

_**When one was as addicted to Kanda as Allen was, one tended to forget the laws of propriety, the laws of decency and the laws of self-respect. For now Allen was thinking of just plain stealing Kanda, seducing him slowly just taking and drawing him inside so that he could finally possess that which he wanted most.**_

_**And his tongue flicked out suddenly, in a terrible and sick smile.**_

"_**I could clean it for you Kanda **_**Sempai**_**." He used the 'sempai' to make the other uncomfortable, and by the look on the male's face it had worked.**_

_**Soft and pink Allen's tongue prodded the thick leather material of Kanda's shoe and it ran along extending as though he enjoyed what he tasted.**_

_**Kanda's cheeks took a soft flush as Allen placed the book down and boldly took hold of his ankle pulled Kanda's shoe closer. The sound of his hard breathing, the sound of his moans...**_

_**Allen knew he sounded like a horny slut.**_

_**He **_**knew.**

_**So he continued hoping to hear his cries echo back at him but he stopped when he heard Kanda's own soft groan.**_

_**Allen stopped and retracted his head letting go of Kanda's ankle he stared at him unblinking and inexpressive.**_

_**Kanda was flushed and panting as though someone had been doing him instead of the other way around.**_

"_**You-you're disgusting!" Kanda snapped horridly, walking past Allen who was still on the floor his lips tainted pink and his cheek a little red he did not see that sly grin that stretched Allen's lips.**_

**Allen had his friends, connections through different grades; schools and childhood memories. They were his friends, abundant and wonderful but the close ones, the ones who knew things about him that others would never even guess, those were few and far in between. And between these few there was one who knew absolutely everything about Allen Walker from his childhood to his adolescence to his middle year of high school. Lavi, just Lavi, red hair green eyes, not very impressive at first, his looks are so-so, his personality is a perfect mix between genius and nymphomania. He knew everything about Allen, he was his closest friend, closer to him then anyone Allen knew. **

**And when Allen entered the library with that sick little smile Lavi knew, Lavi understood even before the boy sat down. Somehow in the back of his mind he knew what the other boy was planning, seduction without any regard for consequences, no fear, no hesitation he was on the prowl. Lavi could see it in his stance, the way he walked, that look in his eyes, the way his eyes raked over the faces and bodies of the students passing him by, he made them blush. Every single one.**

**The only thing Lavi couldn't figure out was the person Allen wanted. Who was it? What was their name? He knew better then to assume he knew the sex of Allen's current object of affection, like that boy in the sixth grade that smacked him over the head Kanda was it? Yeah Allen wanted him then, that was the only time Lavi had ever seen Allen like that ever and seeing that look in his eyes again was unnerving if anything. **

**Allen sat across from Lavi, his thin frail looking hand fingering his red cheek and his gaze phasing from savage to thoughtful and he smiled shyly to Lavi, "h-hey Lavi." He said his voice a bit husky. Lavi frowned putting the large history book in his grip on the table top and he stared at Allen hard and well checking for any sign that Allen was back to his normal self.**

**The twitch of those pink lips was bad news.**

"**Something happen?" Lavi asked, he was almost afraid of the answer.**

**Allen shook his head, and opened his mouth to speak, then thought better of it and gave Lavi a serious look, "um...actually yes."**

**Lavi sighed, "Well, what is her name?" oops he'd assumed again.**

**Allen gave him a dark look, "why is it that you always assume it's a girl?"**

"**Because girls are nice?"**

"**I've learned my lesson already, look it's not a girl this time either okay...?'**

**Lavi sighed and nodded, "sure, sure, now tell me, what's up your ass today?"**

**Allen placed his hands on the table and leaned over putting his face close to Lavi who flinched and felt his stomach churn, he hated when Allen acted like this....it made him act strange.**

**I like girls, I like girls, I like girls, I like girls**

**He constantly told himself these things because when the cute little angel that was his best friend turned into a sex driven, seductive nut job he had issues with it, he needed to assure himself these things because he wasn't sure he could resist Allen's charms for much longer, despite how long he'd known the boy. Allen was changing at a quick rate and Lavi couldn't always keep up.**

"**It's him again." Allen said softly his silvery blue eyes taking that predatory look again, "it's Kanda, I want him, I've decided i'm going to take him."**

**Lavi stared at him, Kanda, again?!**

"**Why do you want him this time?"**

"**Because...well, I love him that's why. Do I need anything more?"**

"**How far are you going with it this time?"**

**Last time was...too much.**

"**As far as I need to."**

**Lavi sighed again closing his eyes so he wouldn't have to see Allen's expression, he couldn't tell whether the feeling in his chest was fear or jealousy.**

**Midday had passed and it was the late afternoon classes, their student scheduals were from 8:00 to 5:00, 6:00 if you had to stay and clean up after. The hour was 4:15, the class was History.**

**The classroom was divided in two, the group by the door and the ones by the window. The teachers desk stood in the middle where he liked to walk and make sure the students focused on him and the words he spoke.**

**Allen cursed the fact that his seat was across from Kanda's, and even more so at the fact that he sat behind Lenalee who refused to even speak to him.**

**But of course it did not stay this way for long when he realized that not only was he right across from Kanda, but that Kanda was looking this way, not at him exactly but in his direction.**

**He was looking at Lenalee to Allen's irritation, and the slut was shifting in her seat, probably in anticipation.**

**Whore.**

**Slut.**

**Cunt.**

**She didn't deserve him, she was a shallow daddy's girl who needed a reality check.**

**Allen looked down at his paper and started jotting down what the teacher was talking about, things to study for, he wasn't going to stare at Kanda for the whole hour, he needed to keep his grades excellent.**

**After all, it wouldn't do for Kanda's special person to have bad grades would it?**

**The thought made Allen smile and he continued his work.**

**But he came across a question he couldn't understand and began to read over what he'd written.**

**Lenalee raised her hand.**

"**Mr. Altmurst!" she quipped.**

**The teacher stopped talking and looked at her, "yes, miss Lee?"**

"**Can i use the rest room? I need to like-"**

"**Of course miss Lee, please refrain from informing the class of your bathroom escapades."**

**Lenalee giggled, "Sorry mister Alt!" she bounced off her seat and hurried out of the class room with her bag in hand.**

**Allen was suddenly infuriated, he knew exactly what was going to happen, Mr. Altmurst resumed the lecture and Allen watched Kanda carefully who was still writing down what the teacher was saying, looking like he really was listening but Allen noticed how his eyes kept drifting to the entrance.**

**He was going to ask to leave also, fucker.**

**No, he wouldn't leave, Allen wouldn't let him.**

**She won't win.**

**She can't have him.**

**Allen stared at him boldly nibbling irritably on his pencil tip, trying to come up with a way to keep Kanda in his seat so that he couldn't leave.**

**He couldn't follow her.**

**Damn him, damn Kanda.**

**Suddenly those blue eyes were set on him, their depths demanding angrily what the HELL he was staring at, and in response Allen was lost, for a moment he couldn't breathe. That gaze so strong, like a black hole sucking him inside, the deep cerulean wisps wanting to tear him apart.**

**Allen smiled.**

**Kanda looked baffled for a moment but only glared in response.**

**Allen drew the pencil to his lips rolling along his jutted bottom lip and slipping his tongue out to caress it.**

**Kanda's eyes widened and he froze in his seat, the rest of the class was unaware, even the teacher didn't notice.**

**Allen kept his and Kanda's gazes together while he moved the pencil around and around before finally drawing it into his mouth, as conspicuous as possible drawing it in and out slowly to not draw any unwanted attention.**

**Kanda's eyes were narrowed into slits as he watched his tongue flicking out sometimes, his breathes slowed and Allen enjoyed the lustful way Kanda watched him.**

**He enjoyed the confusion that flickered in those blue eyes, the shock, the disgust, and all the feelings that appeared and disappeared with each little movement he made.**

**Allen leaned back in his seat slowly and put his hand on his chest to look as though he were only stretching, but as he dragged that hand down his chest he knew what Kanda was thinking and it made him happy. It satisfied Allen so completely he couldn't believe he hadn't just crossed the distance between them and offered himself right then and there.**

**But reality soon checked in as Allen remembered that he needed to go slow, not to frighten Kanda away, to steal him, seduce him with every opportunity.**

**He needed to have Kanda completely.**

**No matter what.**

**Kanda was rigid in his seat and Allen could only imagine what he was hiding under his desk.**

**And then just as Allen had planned, the bell rang.**

**The students stood and filed out in a single line, Allen and Kanda were in that line though far apart.**

**When they got out to the hall, Allen saw Lavi headed in his direction.**

"**oh hey!" the red head greeted hurrying over to Allen, "we're done for the day, how about we go out for karaoke!"**

"**oh, i have to clean up today so i guess i'll see you tomorrow. Sorry." Allen said sighing, Lavi watched him with knowing look.**

"**who else in on for cleaning?"**

**Allen tilted his head to the side, "i don't know, some nerd from homeroom i guess."**

"**you mean one besides you?"**

"**-how could you ignore me like that!?"**

"**Stop yelling you idiot, people are looking."**

"**yelling!? I'm yelling! Well fuck you Kanda you think you're hot shit but you not! I swear I'll tell the whole school about your little secret you stupid fuck! How dare you ignore me! Kanda get your ass back here!"**

**Allen and Lavi stood in the hall along with all the other students, not speaking, not moving.**

**Just...wow.**

"**god that girl always makes such a show of herself." Some girl muttered. **

**As the crowd finally resumed its usual routine of students regrouping for their weekend routines none of them saw Allen's smile.**

**Except perhaps Lavi, poor, poor Lavi.**

_So, sorry if it's confusing or anything I'm having trouble with Italics, let's see the pretty slanted italic stuff if a flashback, cuz Allen's such a hoe, so yeah. um, i guess i'll updatesoon. so review if ya want and sorry it's unbetaed and horrible, i tried my best though. reviews, flames, ideas! bring it! 8D_


	2. Chapter 2

A/N thanks for the reviews everyone, they really help. now, this chapter is unbetaed and it probably reaaaly bad. ^.^ i took a little while cuz i was working on a Hetalia fic. don't ask me why...russian mythology is so fun! 8D

warnings: Allen being a stalker, slut...and stuff...um Kanda is kinda like a rock in this chapter...but w/e who doesn't like rocks? ^.^

disc: fuck that...i don't wanna own them! they're weird...and...and *runs away crying* you're so cruel!!

::::

**It was easier to think that Kanda didn't know. But Allen wouldn't fool himself, everyday that passed he wanted him more. Whenever they passed each other Kanda would look at him briefly and Allen would smile, not just any smile but a 'come hither' grin. The surprise and shock in Kanda's eyes was his goal. It meant that Kanda was reading it well, days were passing quickly and soon winter vacations would come, Allen was sure he could get Kanda before then, but he knew he was giving himself an ultimatum. Lavi continued to try and get him out of this, tried to tell him it wasn't a good idea that Kanda wasn't worth it.**

**Allen knew Kanda wasn't worth it, but Allen still wanted him, he wanted every inch of that body and he wanted that gaze, those hands on him.** _**On**_ **him, it was those thoughts that made Allen think that, yes, Kanda was worth it. He would be worth one night of passion; one angry yelling fight with Lenalee whom Allen was sure wouldn't let Kanda go without at least doing something. Another thing Allen wondered was if Lenalee knew what she had in her possession.**

**Allen remembered when Lavi asked him how far he would go with it this time and Allen had answered as far as he needed to go to get what he wanted.**

**And so, he formulated a new plan, it would take place in the locker rooms after diving practice.**

**Allen wasn't much of a swimmer, but he didn't mind, because he got to hold the towels, all the swimmers with their amazing, wet bodies had to come ot him for their towels and personally Allen loved it.**

**Smiling at the charming boys who sometimes flirted with him like he was some stupid girl, Allen couldn't help but hope Kanda would come to him to ask for a towel. But he never did, he took that sexy, lean, muscled wet body into the locker rooms. Somewhere Allen couldn't follow because he wasn't part of the team.**

**Until today of course.**

**Coach Reever stared down at Allen, "you sure about this Walker?"**

**Allen nodded, "i'm totally able! I practice gymnastics; my body is in the right condition."**

**Reever sighed and glanced at the team, he gestured for the team captain Bak Chan to come, the blonde blue eyes boy ran over grinning.**

**"yeah, coach?" he asked.**

**Reever gestured to Allen, "this punk wants to be on your swim team. How about it."**

**Bak looked puzzled, "towel boy?"**

**Allen twitched, Punk? Towel boy?**

**"should l show you?"**

**As if it was destiny the moment Allen peeled off his white tee shirt and revealed his toned body Kanda waltzed out of the locker room.**

**Bak gaped, "wow,."**

**Reever scoffed, "gymnasts..."**

**Allen smiled sweetly at the coach and swim team captain, "as i said before i'm perfectly capable of joining your team."**

**Bak laughed, "With that body? Totally, how fast are you? What's your best time-"**

**Allen's smile faltered, "There's just one problem."**

**Reever scoffed "oh, here it comes."**

**"I can't swim."**

**Bak's smile faded instantly, "whaaaat?"**

**Reever sighed covering his face with one hand and groaning, "ah, jeez. I knew it."**

**Allen's smile stayed in place now, "I mean...i'm a pretty fast learner, and I can take lessons after school if anyone were willing to teach me."**

**Reever glanced at the captain, Bak sighed again, "well, I'll go check with the guys."**

**Reever gave Allen some papers to sign and a list of things to buy and the rule book of course.**

**"If you're as fast as you say you are you should be on the team before the next meet, punk."**

**Allen nodded and smiled happily, "i'm so excited coach!"**

**Reever gave hi ma one sides smirk, and then just as Allen predicted he handed him a key.**

**"For your locker."**

**Yes.**

**"oh?"**

**"yeah, number 14, next to Yuu's."**

**Yes, just as planned.**

**Everything was going so perfectly and to make it even better, guess who came out walking with Bak?**

**Those gorgeous blue eyes narrowed at the sight of Allen and Kanda looked like he wanted to stop walking.**

**He stopped and said something to Bak and Bak responded by laughing and saying something about hero worship.**

**"Well towel boy-"**

**"It's Allen, Allen Walker."**

**"-...yeah, whatever. This is Kanda Yuu, he's gonna teach you how to swim! And then you'll join the team officially and show us what you got!"**

**Bak seemed to be very excited about this and Reever seemed content about another addition to the team, Kanda however did not look keen on the swimming lessons deal.**

**But none of them were as thrilled as Allen, oh he was very thrilled.**

**"i look forward to working with you, Kanda." Allen said with a presumably kind smile.**

**Kanda did not take his hand and shake it, he only stared at him passively. No expression in those cold blue eyed.**

**Bak grinned and slapped them both on the back, "well then! Have fun! Reever and I are gonna have a meeting with the rest of the team to explain what's going on here, so see ya later!"**

**They left.**

**They left Allen alone with Kanda.**

**Suddenly Allen's heart was pounding in his ears, his hands felt clammy; Kanda stared at him in annoyance.**

**He was here.**

**Oh god...oh god!**

**But then a coldness came over him and he recalled the rejection.**

**"_Are you kidding? Why would I like a tiny little brat like you? Get a life."_**

**Allen took a few steps forward to bring them closer.**

**"Kanda –_sempai."_ He whined, "are you really gonna teach poor little me how to swim?"**

**Kanda's eyebrow twitched.**

**"i'm _so_ glad." Allen whispered placing his hands on the taller boy's hips, "i just _know_ you'll be a good teacher."**

**"You're disgusting."**

**Allen looked up at him sharply, "so are you."**

**Kanda's eyes narrowed into slits, "what?"**

**"you touch that slut don't you? You kiss her; does it feel nice to stick your tongue down her throat instead of mine?" Allen grinned, lifting Kanda's shirt and licking his warm, flat stomach, "if you can fuck a nasty slut like her..." Kanda's hands were shaking when they grabbed Allen's shoulders.**

**Allen grinned and ran his tongue over those abs again, "why...can't...you...do...me?"**

**Kanda let out a heavy breath and pushed Allen off, "you're sick, you're a fucked up freak." He bit out.**

**Allen kept his balance, he saw the doubt in those eyes and grinned, "Really?" he asked, he ran his hands along his hips and chest, "then i guess you like fucked up _freaks _like me."**

**Kanda glared at him, "why are you here? Why the hell are you stalking me, I could mess you up really bad right now if the idea of even touching you weren't so disgusting."**

**Allen's grin shrunk, "what a silly question Kanda. I'll answer it if you tell me why you got in a fight with Lenalee on Friday."**

**Kanda's eyes darkened and he clenched his fists, "that none of your business."**

**Allen's expression was serious when he spoke next, "it could happen, what you were thinking back then in that classroom, I know that meeting up with her was the last thing on your mind. It could happen Kanda. What you were imagining."**

**There was silence and Allen chuckled, Kanda's glare was twisted, like he was so angry he could barely take it, he couldn't do anything here though, not with the coach around.**

**"You look tense Kanda." Allen said smiling sweetly, he moved close to Kanda and the Japanese man drew back.**

**"Oh, are you angry?" Allen grinned at him, "You know, I wouldn't mind if you liked it rough. I'm pretty sure Lenalee is a total romantic who thinks everything should be sweet and rose coloured."**

**Kanda stared at him as he moved even closer, he was breathing harshly through his teeth his jaw was set tight and his eyes were like blue flames.**

**"But not me," Allen said unable to keep the bitterness out of his voice. "I will never be that naive again. I know that when you take me it will hurt, but feeling you inside is the only think i want. The only thing I will ever need. I know you will tear me, rip me in half like you want to do right now, but I won't resist." Allen placed his hands on Kanda's hips again, "you can do it right now if you want."**

**Kanda's eyes were wide and there was something in his gaze that made Allen's heart lurch.**

**"The world isn't....rose coloured...in her world."Kanda muttered.**

**Allen's gaze narrowed, "and that is why she was better?"**

**Kanda didn't answer.**

**"that fucking cunt is nothing compared to me Kanda, anything she gives you I can give you better, what she has i can make up for in so many ways. All you need to do is be mine. Mine and only mine."**

**Kanda was looking into Allen's eyes with nothing but hard, cold anger**

**"If all i can get from you is hate Kanda." Allen whispered rising to his tiptoes to bring their faces closer, "then i'll take it, all your rage, and all your cold hearted anger. I will take it all."**

**Allen could barely feel Kanda's lips on his before the Asian shoved him into the pool.**

**Allen was clinging to the concrete ledge so he wouldn't sink when he saw Bak running out to see what had happened, "Walker are you okay?! Kanda what the hell did you do!?"**

**"Just the first lesson." Kanda said before disappearing through the entrance.**

**Allen's gaze remained on the door where Kanda had left through; he wasn't smiling this time, despite his amusement.**

**Just another push, another push and Kanda would be his.**

pfft, it'll take more then that to get rid of stalker allen! i mean...just wait till Lenalee finds out...hurhur. Reviews?


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N okay! this still has the bold and stuff. lolz. but yeah, i wanted to thank everyone for the reviews, and apologize for not updating in forever. And also this chapter had warnings! yay!_

_Warnings: cursing, and crazy shit.(oh and Lenalee saying ass licker haha...funny.)  
_

_this chapter will probably make no sense as at all...it didn't to me anyway. lalalala _

_**A/N : i've tried my best to fix and make this chapter better so yeah. enjoy! ^^**_

**Allen tried hard not to laugh when he saw the look on Lenalee's face.**

**She must have found out about Allen joining the swimming team, she must have been told about what happened in the locker room the previous day, she must finally know about what he and Kanda did.**

**How lovely, Allen was getting tired of her anyway.**

**"You, get over here you little fucker!" Lenalee snapped stomping towards him with white hot fury in her gaze.**

**Allen sauntered toward her with that knowing smile, "yes Lenalee?"**

**"You..." she hissed, her pretty features twisted in anger and jealously.**

**"Me?"**

**"Shut up. You, me outside now."**

**Allen followed her out to the path that led to the volley ball court; they were in perfect privacy because the gym teacher was at a meet with one of the volleyball teams. Looking beautiful under the shade of the trees, Lenalee whirled around and slapped Allen across the face.**

**"Stay away from him!" she hissed**

**"Ouch, Lenalee why did you slap me?" Allen asked pouting.**

**Lenalee's glare grew fiercer if possible, and she slapped him again.**

**"Stay away from my boyfriend you freak!"**

**"Yours?" Allen sneered at her.**

**"Yes, Kanda is mine okay so just back the fuck off or I will take you out."**

**Allen knew Lenalee was serious, she wasn't just any weak girl she was Lenalee, the famed black belt, the one with the older brother who was a gangster. Nobody messed with her, said big brother was said to have a very strong sister complex.**

**Beautiful and fierce, she really was a perfect match for Kanda.**

**That was possible, but only if Allen didn't exist.**

**Second best.**

**That's what she was, second best and she would always be.**

**"Why should I?"**

**Lenalee's dainty hands tightened into fists when Allen talked to her in that small, sweet but mocking tone.**

**"I'm so sorry, but I know he wants me. I wish that you could understand that Lenalee, he desires me, not you, so I don't see why I shouldn't just take him."**

**"Why you little-"**

**"Did they tell you what he did in the locker room?"**

**"I heard. Why do you think I'm here huh?" she snapped, "Do you think I'm some damsel in distress who is going to let a crazy little fuck like you steal MY boyfriend? Besides there is NO way in hell he'd ever want you." She laughed condescendingly, but it was nothing compared to the soft, barely there laugh that slipped so elegantly from Allen's pretty little mouth.**

**"Oh, I'm so sorry; it's just funny because well, I mean...there was that time he stayed in class even after you'd so subtly invited him out to do something else."**

**Lenalee's eyes narrowed and her gaze was like poison, sharp and stiff and utterly murderous.**

**"What?"**

**"He stayed in class watching me across the room." Allen smiled like he was recalling a happy memory and was unaware of the angry girl in front of him, "it's just, I didn't think I could manage to keep his attention long enough, and well, I have this habit, i-…do you really want to hear this?"**

**Lenalee was so furious she couldn't speak.**

**"I'll just tell you right out, I mean, I was chewing on my pencil eraser and…next thing you know I see him staring at me, he was watching me." Allen giggled sweetly again, "what could I do Lenalee?" his smile faded as quickly as it came, "he was watching me. He didn't even glance out the door after you left. It was like you didn't even exist to him, it was only me and him. Just us, and it was wonderful, I know he was imagining me sucking him off." Allen laughed darkly at the gasp of disgust and hatred she aimed at him, "have you done it yet? I imagine so, why don't you give me the details so I'll know what to do the next time he leaves you-"**

**Lenalee landed the first punch but was held back before she could land another, Allen was also going to hit her back but he was pulled away and when he identified Lavi as the one holding him he hid the smile that twitched at the corner of his mouth.**

**"What the hell is going on here?" Kanda hissed glaring at Allen from behind Lenalee.**

**"Let go of me!" Lenalee screeched, she shoved Kanda away and slapped him, "don't fucking touch me you bastard!"**

**Kanda gave Lenalee a cold look, "what the hell is wrong with you this time?"**

**Lenalee was losing it, her breathes were labored and her green eyes shimmered with tears, "y-you fucking asshole! You bastard!"**

**Allen watched this all take place with a sadistic smile, finally; finally she would be out of his way.**

**Lavi's grip tightened, "Allen, we shouldn't be here, come on...let's just lea-"**

**"No." Allen said with that same little grin, "I want to see them break up."**

**Kanda was studying Lenalee in silence, he didn't know what it was about this time but he was pretty sure that soon enough once she got her breath back that the screaming was going to start and he would find out.**

**Lenalee was still glaring at him and then with one final breath, it began.**

**"You fucking cheated on me is what happened you idiot! You dumbass! You fucking homo! Goddamit Kanda!"**

**"Homo..." Kanda muttered his gaze narrowing.**

**"Yeah, homo! Fag! Ass monger! Ass fucker! ASS LICKER!"**

**"What the hell are you talking about?!"**

**"I know what you've been doing in the lockers after swim practice!"**

**"Swim practice...?" swim practice? What about swim practi-**

**"You've been cheating on me with that slut Allen!"**

**Kanda glanced in Allen's direction briefly hating to look at that pale face; he should have known the little freak was going to mess with Lenalee.**

** "What the fuck, I'm not a fag. If I was why would I be with you?"**

**"AARRGGHH!" Lenalee screeched again and started hitting Kanda's chest with all her might.**

**The asian didn't even budge.**

**"Fuck you! Fuck you Kanda!" Lenalee screeched.**

**Allen and Kanda's eyes met and once again Allen felt that spark of desire run through his body, he wanted Kanda to just stop playing these games with him and just give in, he wanted this tall, sensual, built man to just finish it. Give her up and come to Allen like he knew the Asian wanted to.**

**"What has this idiot been telling you?" Kanda asked pushing Lenalee back slowly, hoping she would calm down.**

**Lenalee's green eyes were filled with anger and hatred.**

**"What's this little shit been telling you?" Kanda asked feeling his patience waning.**

**"Why don't you ask him?" Lenalee spat.**

**Allen slithered out of Lavi's grasp and went to meet Kanda, his heart pounding and his body humming with awareness.**

**"You...you little shit." Kanda muttered hatefully, "what the hell have you done this time?"**

**"come on Kanda, I was just playing, if I had known she was going to freak out like that well...i promise I wouldn't have done it. I'm sorry; it was just a little bit of fun. I didn't know she was such a crazy bitch. I thought you had better taste then jealous whores like her, honest!"**

**Kanda's face was the epitome of annoyance and irritation but it fused together into an expression Allen had never seen in his beloved before.**

**He didn't touch Allen at all, he stood before the shorter boy looking like he wanted knock him out, but he didn't know how to do it, no matter what he did Allen would stick to him like a curse, a punishment.**

**"I'm not going to break up with her." Kanda said coldly.**

**"b-but why?" Allen asked looking troubled, "why won't you, hasn't she shown you what you mean to her?" Allen snapped, "that you're only a possession?! I would love you Kanda! I would treasure you and care for you and no matter what you did to me I would always stay by your side! She doesn't understand you! Not like I do! She will never love you like I do!" Allen caught himself screaming and placed his hand on his mouth.**

**Kanda looked like he was smirking but there was no amusement in his eyes, "She's pissed because she thought I was cheating on her, thing is, I wouldn't cheat on anyone with you, ever."**

**"But Kanda-"**

**"Shut up, shut up and leave right now, I don't want anything to do with you, don't you get it? You're a waste of space, an eyesore-"**

**"Kanda, you don't mean that, you can't-"**

**"GET LOST."**

**"Kanda no I lo-"**

**"No, I would never love a little tiny piece of crap like you, get it? I would never, so just leave, disappear, just die or something, I don't give a shit." The coldness in his eyes showed no remorse, no anger, and no feelings whatsoever.**

**Allen felt tears welling up in his eyes, and he looked at Lenalee who couldn't meet his gaze, she was staring at Kanda.**

**"But I love you-"**

**"GET LOST!"**

**Allen whimpered and stepped back, he turned to Lavi with his tearful silver eyes and his best friend not knowing what to believe took his arm and both of them left the couple under the shade of the trees.**

**Lavi watched Allen carefully; he watched for some small thing that might indicate amusement or satisfaction, but when he couldn't find anything but pain in Allen's silver eyes he felt a surge of anger at Kanda. He'd really done it this time; Allen was truly hurt wasn't he? Did he love Kanda that much?**

**He'd never seen Allen this distraught before.**

**And all those cruel things Kanda had said, it shocked him, really, he didn't know Kanda could be so horrible to people. Lavi knew that Allen could be a handful, sometimes overly obsessive. But he was truly a nice boy at heart; really, Kanda hadn't needed to be so callous, honestly how someone like Lenalee could be with-**

**Wait.**

**Wait a moment.**

**Lavi set Allen on the bleachers and saw him look to the court with that sad, empty look in his eyes.**

**"I'll be right back." he said softly.**

**Lavi ran back to the path and saw Lenalee and Kanda talking, he couldn't hear what they were saying but he knew exactly what was going on, Lavi suddenly felt sick, a nauseous sensation filled his stomach and his skin prickled as awareness fell over him, horrified by the scene taking place Lavi turned away and headed back up to the bleachers but he heard Kanda's raised voice.**

**"You'll believe him over me?!"**

**"It's not that Kanda i-"**

**"...what?"**

**"...i thought I knew you okay?"**

**Lavi covered his ears and went back to the bleachers.**

**Allen was leaning back in the stone benches and sighing, Lavi stood deathly still, in that moment he was filled with doubts, this couldn't' be true, but there was no denying what was taking place down that path behind the trees.**

**"Is it done?" Allen asked in a calm, soft tone of voice, something that fit him so terribly well at this time.**

**Lavi looked down, he didn't want to meet Allen's gaze.**

**He didn't want to see the twisted smile on those pretty lips.**

**"y-you...you broke them up didn't you?"**

**"No."**

**"b-but you...you provoked it, you set off a chain of events that led to them-"**

**"No."**

**"I don't know what you did but it's your fault isn't it?"**

**"Yes." Lavi looked up and saw the twitch at the corner of Allen's mouth, unease filled him.**

**"How could you?"**

**"Because Kanda should be mine." He said, like it was something simple, something anyone could understand, like he hadn't had a hand in breaking Kanda up with his girlfriend, like he hadn't done all he could to tear them apart. "Even she knows and that's why she'll break up with him."**

**"But you made him do that! You made him look like a monster in front of her of course she was going to end it!"**

**"I didn't make him look like anything." Allen said.**

**Lavi looked at him fully this time, Allen was staring straight at him with cold gray eyes, though still red from crying, and that terrible little twitch in his mouth.**

**"Kanda is like that, he is a cold blooded person, he is cruel and hateful and Lenalee was stupid for believing he was anything else. This was something that would have happened eventually."**

**Lavi didn't know what to think, how Allen could do such a thing without regret.**

**He saw Allen wipe another tear from his eye; he took a deep, shuddery breath "I just wish he wasn't sometimes..."**

**Lavi was left speechless, because he was afraid of Allen sometimes, because in some moments the boy became human, he cried, he said things like this and Lavi had to stay silent so it could last just a little bit longer.**

**He'd revealed Kanda's true nature to Lenalee at the cost of his own dignity.**

**What happened in that moment when Kanda said those horrible things wasn't fake, Allen's pain was real.**

**Right now as he looked up at the sky, at everything but Lavi's face he was human, and he was hurting.**

**"Are you alright?"**

**Allen took another deep breath, "y-yeah..."**

**Lavi went up to the boy and placed his hands on his shoulders, they were shaking, "are you sure?'**

**"...no...No I'm not." The words slipped from Allen's lips in a shaky sob; Lavi pulled Allen into his arms and felt the soft, small body tremble in his grasp. He was scared, this wasn't good, and Allen was so fragile sometimes. Like a little glass figurine that anything could break, he could be so terribly weak, this boy, this sweet, tender boy. But at the same time Lavi could not deny those slivers of time that were utterly dark and silent. Those slots in which Allen was heartless and unforgiving, times when this shivering, whimpering person could tear down another with no regret, remorse, or pity.**

**Lavi gave as much comfort as he could, as he was able, he wished he could give more, he knew he was willing to give Allen whatever he needed so that he could see him smile.**

**Tenderly patting Allen's back and petting his hair he whispered sweet things into the boy's ears.**

**Everything was peaceful, the sound of the wind, the birds, the warmth of the sun, the comforting sensation of Allen's trembling becoming softer and less and less until the boy was silent in his arms laughing softly at funny things Lavi was saying.**

**Lavi glanced up and smiled at Allen's tear-streaked but smiling face, then he saw a spark of fear and before he could react he felt a hand wrap around his collar and pull him back so roughly he fell off the bleachers and landed on the ground hard unable to stop Kanda from dragging Allen away by his hair.**

**"Stop crying!"**

**Why was he crying? Why now?**

**Wasn't he happy he'd finally wrecked everything?!**

**Wasn't he?!**

**Fuck!**

**FUCK!**

**After all the trouble Kanda had gone through to get this far, to make people think he was a normal nice boy!**

**This fucking little piece of shit had to come and ruin everything!**

**He shoved Allen into the narrow broom closet by the gym classroom, Allen landed hard on his face but Kanda didn't really care if the infernal brat he damaged his precious, precious face.**

**"Are you fucking happy now?" Kanda roared, "Stop crying!"**

**The pale boy stared up at him, he looked like shit, his eyes were red from crying, his mouth bleeding from the landing and his hair was mussed from Kanda pulling him here by it.**

**Allen was shaking terribly, Kanda felt a sick satisfaction from catching the boy off guard, defenseless against his attacks but the longing in that gaze filled Kanda with even more rage and he walked into the closet and shut the door twisting the lock sharply.**

**"What, are you scared now?" Kanda reached down and yanked Allen up by his hair again, "isn't this what you wanted? You wanted me? Well you have me now you fucking bitch!"**

**Allen's breaths were loud and harsh, his silky hair was hard to grasp in his fingers and Kanda noted how the boy attempted to loosen himself by gripping and scratching at Kanda's arms, the soft grunts and whimpers, the groans and gasps. Those silver eyes glaring up at him as the fear faded and the anger entered unwarranted and he knew it was filling the brat's entire body threatening to consume him. Kanda felt like consuming also, taking this little brat down, knocking him over and making him beg, making him surrender so completely he wouldn't be able to…wouldn't be able to even breathe without…**

**Another soft gasp slipped from Allen's open mouth and Kanda couldn't take it anymore he covered Allen's mouth with his own, he smothered him with his tongue moving it deep into his throat and enjoyed the resulting choking sounds that erupted from the boy's scratchy throat.**

**He shoved the boy back and admired the sight of Allen's lips red and puffy the corner of his mouth still bloody, those tearful silver eyes gazing up at him, but even seeing them was driving him crazy. Kanda shoved Allen down to the ground and followed; his hands tore at Allen's shirt tearing it open and forcing it down Allen's thin but muscled arms, Kanda couldn't see him like this without feeling the need to mark, This was what he wanted right?! This was what he said he needed? Well what was he gonna do? Nothing! Because he was a weak whiny little slut! Kanda shoved Allen against the empty metal shelves and relished the pained groan that emanated from the boy's mouth, he bit down hard on each mound of skin he found, particularly the neck he tore at it with his teeth until he knew it was bleeding. He yanked Allen's pants down hard over his narrow, bony hips down to his ankles and ran his hands over the smooth skin of his legs; he hoisted them over his hips and ground against them.**

**His mind was a pleasant black, just a flurry of sensations, pleasure, biting, and soft pained whimpers**

**He heard Allen's soft hiccups as the crying finally stopped, now it was the brief, light feeling of Allen's fingers tearing at his shirt, and a moment later he was being kissed. The feeling was tender, the tongue in his mouth moved about to give him pleasure and it almost calmed the rage in him.**

**It was better than any kiss Lenalee could have given him.**

**_"I thought I knew you!"_**

**_"You do-"_**

**_"Dammit it Kanda, I know I was acting like a bitch! I know I said some things but I regret them. I regret them now that I know what you've done to that kid!"_**

**_"I haven't done anything-"_**

**_"He's actually in love with you, dammit Kanda, I hate him, I want to beat the crap outta him but…how could you do that to him? I would at least have the decency to take him someplace else to break it down you know! God, you mouthed him off in front of me and do you think that made you look manly? No, it made you look like…like someone I don't know! I hate him I do, but...Kanda, you made him cry. What the hell is wrong with you?"  
"Dammit, that's not-"_**

**_"I don't know what to think anymore, I...i don't think we should...I... I... think we should break up."_**

**Kanda shoved Allen off of him and wrapped his hands around the boy's throat.**

**It was his entire fault, everything that would go wrong for him after this was his fault because now that she knew what kind of person he was so would everyone else because Kanda knew that bitch wouldn't keep her mouth shut!**

**It was all his fault.**

**Kanda's grip grew incredibly tight around Allen's throat but when their eyes met, he saw something terrifying.**

**Allen's hands were holding Kanda's hands and he was gazing at him, even as he choked and his body wriggled about he wasn't resisting, he was only looking at Kanda with those eyes.**

**_I love you..._**

**A tingle raced up Kanda's spine and he let go, he stumbled back. There was no way, no way that this freak of nature was actually in love with him. He went to the door and struggled with the knob and his own trembling hands.**

**Allen hacked and coughed and took his breath back, he sat up completely nude and watched Kanda bang at the door, "Kanda..." Allen whispered, Kanda turned around his eyes were fiery pits of anger, but that quickly melted into disgust and something else, something different than anything Kanda had ever felt, when Allen was still breathing hard and his bruised, scratched up, petal white body parted, opened. Allen revealed all the secrets of his body and offered it to Kanda, his knees parting slowly and giving Kanda a full view of his erection an offering, nothing more, nothing less than the boy's own heart.**

**"Come on Kanda..." he whispered hoarsely, "finish me."**

**_Finish me._**

**Kanda hesitated a mere second before he opened the door and stalked out slamming it shut, he ran his hands through his hair as he went farther and farther away, thoughts and visions filled his mind, Allen's last words still echoed in his thoughts, in his soul and his touch still tingled through Kanda's traitorous body.**

**He would never give in, that boy, that insane boy was not going to make him...Allen Walker was not going to drive him insane with desire.**

**Despite the fact that the flame Allen's naked body had ignited in Kanda was what kept him from taking the rest of his classes for that whole week.**

_it's all fun and games until someone gets mindfucked by stalker allen, so, reviews? flames? do you get it? i don't, explain to me! D:_


	4. Chapter 4

a/n Holy mother of yaoi, i didn't expect so many reviews for that last chapter sweet mama, lolz, thanks guys! thanks so much!

this chapter is short but i had to write it because if i don't do it when i can i don't do it at all, i will eventually rewrite this chapter, mostly to add stuff but otherwise this is the best i can give you, i suck i know. thanks for the reviews tho, they still continue to shock me. haha, enjoy.

**::::::::**

**Lavi was the first to notice, it seemed that during the week that followed Kanda and Lenalee's break up the crazy, obsessive behavior Allen had shown so enthusiastically had disappeared completely.**

**In fact, Allen had taken to swimming classes quickly and was on the next meet by the end of the months, he had noticed this and it alarmed him.**

**Really, things couldn't end this easily, Allen was up to something.**

"**God I hate that new librarian." Lavi grumbled.**

**Allen glanced at him and smiled, "oh, come one. Grandpa Panda needed to retire and you know that."**

"**Yeah? Well to hell with that! "Lavi whined, "I'd rather have the strict old man back any day then that irritating wanker filling my library, my haven with heathens!"**

"**Heathens," Allen said, "isn't that a bit exaggerated?"**

"**No!" Lavi answered, "no way! Have you talked to that guy!?"**

"**I don't spend that much time in the library Lavi, but I've seen him, personally he doesn't look that bad."**

"**He's a slut-" Lavi hissed but he stopped himself and glanced away.**

**Lulubell approached them and sat next to Lavi with a happy smile.**

"**I finished the book." She said her smile widening and her eyes glittering.**

**Allen saw this exchange of looks and shy, short conversation. It seemed Lavi had been a little busy during the past month; Allen himself had been busy also. Swimming club, school work, and overall living expenses. Allen was proud to say he'd found himself a little side job at the town minimarket, his manager was none other than the librarian and it was a real treat.**

**Tyki Mikk was wonderful company, Allen found talking to the man very exhilarating and entertaining and it was distracting and involving and pure excitement. Tyki had so much to say about everything even some side comments about Lavi, but it was nothing insulting or serious. He just said that Lavi was in the troubling habit of stealing books from the library.**

**He'd actually asked Allen if he'd known before, but Allen had been occupied with…other things when this was happening.**

**Lulubell stood up and left them with a gracious smile.**

"**Well, what was that?" Allen asked with a sly grin.**

**Lavi glowered, "it's not what you think, she just joined the book club and I'm helping her catch up."**

"**Does that involve getting her number and a date to the movies on Sunday?"**

"**Wha-no! Wait, how did you know that?!"**

**Allen smiled, "you would be surprised to find out the things that I know."**

**Lavi's grin was a bit sour, "so where's lover boy?"**

"**What?" Allen asked.**

"**You know, lover boy, Kanda, your dear loved one…" Lavi scratched the back of his head and waited for Allen to answer.**

"**Oh?" Allen said with a small smile. "I'm sure he's fine. So I have a job now, it's at the minimarket down town."**

"**Really…"Lavi said his tone curious.**

"**Yep, you're going to love this, guess who my manager is."**

"**Bring it, who's your boss?"**

**Allen grinned, "I'll give you a hint."**

"**Aww!"**

"**It's someone you hate."**

**Lavi glared at him, "you don't mean…"**

"**Yeah! I knew you weren't as slow as people say!"**

"**How can you work with that guy!?"**

"**He's really interesting; you two would get along great if you talked more!"**

**Lavi sighed in irritation, "Well…you still haven't told me how you know about Sunday."**

**Allen frowned, "you told me actually, don't you remember? You were complaining about Tyki and said that you didn't have money for the movies on Sunday."**

**Lavi looked embarrassed but Allen didn't ask about it, "If you want I could lend you some…"**

"**Seriously?" Lavi asked, "You're kidding, you have money?"**

"**Of course I do!"**

**The red head grinned and patted Allen on the head, "you spoil me Allen."**

**It was nice talking to Allen like this, seeing his silver eyes shine about something other than that man, but Lavi still couldn't kick that feeling that something was afoot.**

**Allen walked into the locker room talking animatedly with Bak about practice, his silver locks tied back and his body still wet and shiny from swimming for almost 4 hours.**

**He had mastered most of the techniques Kanda had taught him during their short practice terms a month ago.**

**As they entered Bak went to his locker which was across the room while Allen headed to his to dry up.**

**A moment of silence for the calm, relaxed, wondrous month that had passed for him.**

**Kanda was standing by his own locker which was beside Allen's and when the boy reached his he couldn't help but notice the tall, lean, half naked male watching him with a hate filled gleam in his eyes.**

**It brought something of a smile to his lips and gave a nostalgic feeling of sadistic glee to Allen's senses.**

"**Oh my, look who is here." Allen said looking up at Kanda with hooded eyes.**

**Kanda's eye twitched, "shut up."**

"**I'm all ears my dear."**

"**You have fun this month?"**

"**Yes, a lot, why?" Allen whispered softly.**

"**Allen!" Bak called from the entrance, "you coming/"**

**Allen pouted, 'I can't! Big guy here wants to talk; I'll catch up with you later okay?" **

**Bak sighed, "yeah, sure. See you!"**

"**You two are awful friendly." Kanda sneered, his moved closer to Allen his elbow pressed against the boy's locker keeping it closed.**

"**I think chummy would be a better term."**

**A flash of teeth and Kanda slammed his fist into Allen's face.**

**Too shocked to react Allen could only scramble to the side and dodge the next one that came.**

**Kanda reached down and picked the boy up by his hair.**

"**Who the hell do you think you are?!"**

**Allen tasted blood in his mouth and felt the inclination to spit it at Kanda's face but he didn't.**

"**Who me?" Allen asked with a sly, bloody grin.**

**Kanda punched him in the gut this time.**

"**I should kill you right now." Kanda hissed, "you insolent little piece of crap."**

**Allen coughed for about a minute before he could answer properly, "now why…would…y-you do that?"**

**Kanda hit him again and slammed him against the lockers, "just…just shut up!"**

"**Why?!" Allen hissed his amusement gone and replaced with annoyance and defiance, "because I know about you?"**

**Kanda's blue eyes flashed with blue fire, "You don't know me."**

"**I do!" Allen hissed his hands coming up to claw and pull at Kanda's wrist, "I know about you Kanda, about who you are…"**

"**Shut up-"**

"**About what is inside you-"**

"**Fuck you! You don't understand anything you just push and push and shove to get what you want!" Kanda growled, "Do you think that will change anything?"**

"**You're a monster."**

"**So what if I am!?" Kanda screamed at him "what will you do?!"**

**Kanda's hold on Allen's neck tightened and he reveled in the sound of the boy's pained gasps.**

"**You push. You shove. You scream. You scratch. But you…cannot…deal…"**

**He let go suddenly and Allen fell to the floor in a crumpled heap.**

"**You cannot deal with what you've unleashed."**

**Kanda knelt down in front of the boy's unconscious body and tipped his chin upward.**

"**You will reconsider wanting me to _finish you_."**

** :::::::::**

a/n it seems the reversed sexual harassment will begin soon, haha, i'm also writing a spinoff of Drug of Choice except it's Lucky, only a few refernces in both stories will refer to eachother, like say, Lavi mentioning how worried he is about Allen's stalker habits and Allen contemplaiting Lavi's strangely passionate dislike for the librarian. how lovely.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N holy mother of pudding! ...67 reviews? holy crap, thanks so much! i don't know what to do with myself.**

**this is a special chapter, it's a flashback of Allen in the beginning when he fell inlove with Kanda so yeah...enjoy and count yourself for Alma. ^^ oh and i'm going to COMICON in april!! fffffuuuu- . **

_I wonder; does he know how much I love him?_

_I used to wonder about that because since the first time I saw him my world permanently turned the color of roses._

_That is…if roses were black._

_But no matter, to think I've come this far is something I never thought possible._

_Because; Kanda has always been the brightest star in my sky._

_I was 9 years old when I saw him for the first time, it was in a park where I liked to spend my free time when my uncle was out in the market and the baby-sitter wandered off to do something else._

_The people who lived around the park knew me so well so it was nice._

_I was happy back then._

_And then I saw him._

_I thought it was a girl at first because his hair was so long, almost to his lower back._

_I was shocked and blinded by his brilliance._

_When he saw me staring he glared and that was when I knew it was a boy, those skinned knees, that purple bruise on his cheek and the mischievous and arrogant look in his dark eyes._

_I never forgot them._

_Ever._

_And they gazed at me once again when I got into middle school._

_Lavi stood beside me talking about how pretty the girls were and dammit I know I was supposed to agree with him and look too…but I couldn't take my eyes off of him._

_He was walking with another boy, one Allen knew as Alma, the kid was friends with everyone but he was quick to fight and had a penchant for getting in trouble along with Kanda._

_I didn't feel jealous of Alma because he was my friend, he would never give me a reason to feel such a terrible emotion._

_But to see him walking with the apple of my eye changed my perspective._

_I was growing and my hormones were everywhere and in those times Kanda was just and pretty and even prettier than all of the girls._

_I wanted to talk to him._

_I needed to talk to him._

_I walked up to them one time during lunch and sat down, Alma greeted me and we began talking about how school was going and friends and somehow the subject of Kanda came into the conversation._

"_He's pretty!" Alma said to me with a grin._

_Kanda ignored us and continued to eat._

"…_he is…"I said it as quiet as I could so Kanda wouldn't hear me._

_He did._

_He glanced at me with his dark eyes and when I realized they were blue I sighed._

_Alma laughed heartily, "ain't that great Yuu, Allen thinks you're pretty!"_

"_Che, who cares if a guy thinks that?"_

_His voice was so deep, mine was still changing._

_He scoffed and stood up and walked away with his tray in hand._

_Alma was staring at me._

"_What?" I asked._

"_You're a guy?" he asks looking shocked._

_Dammit._

_I had almost forgotten that Kanda wasn't the only one in middle school that looked like a girl._

_It started slow, with glances in the same direction, a second's meeting of our gazes and I was set._

_But I needed more._

_I couldn't stand being so far away._

_I tried to get closer._

_I hung out with Alma more, I got to know Kanda through his best friend._

_And soon it became a reality._

_It was and still is the best day of my life._

_One day Kanda actually went and sat at the same table I was eating at in the lunchroom._

_I was gaping and I couldn't help it._

_My heart was in my throat._

_He glared at me, "there was nowhere else to sit." He grumbled._

_I looked around and noticed that he was right; there was nowhere else to sit._

_Kanda set a back pack on the seat next to him and I had Lavi's back pack on the seat next to mine._

_We were saving seats for our best friends._

_Who were yet to come, Kanda and I were still staring at each other and I needed to speak to him, I had to say something that he would answer._

"_h-hi."_

_His eyes narrowed, "little late for that isn't it?"_

"_Sorry."_

"_Whatever."_

_Kanda began to eat and effectively blocked me out._

_I wouldn't give up though._

"_S-so…"_

_He glanced up at me through those hooded blue eyes and my heart began to pick up speed and I got Goosebumps._

"_What?" he said annoyed._

"_I-…um…d-do you um…wanna…I dunno, hang out sometime?"_

_His eyebrow actually twitched._

_It twitched!_

_Was I that appalling?!_

_Ugh, I felt annoyance fill my belly and all the happy feelings went away._

_What was I thinking? This guy was an asshole through and through!_

_Why would I set my sights on a loser like this?_

_Of course he'd say no but I know better than that, not only would he say no, he'd probably say it in the most embarrassing way possible!_

_But Kanda didn't speak._

_He was still glaring at me but his cheeks looked a little pink and suddenly hope filled my heart._

_His pretty mouth opened and Alma smacked him across the head._

"_HEADSHOT!" he screeched, "oh hell yeah!"_

_He grinned and sat down next to Kanda wit that wild grin._

"_Hey Allen!" he greeted to me with a wave; I waved back feeling my own eyebrow twitching._

"_Did you see that shit?! I got him straight in the BRAIN!" he told me, "Pfft, this dumbass didn't even see it coming." He poked Kanda's cheek and Kanda snapped at him, Alma snapped back and one of their fights started again._

_Watching how close they were, I should have known better, going slow wasn't going to get me anywhere._

_Ever._

_Hah, and to think my love for him used to be innocent._

i thought you guys would enjoy the change of perspective, more less obsessive Allen and_ **bold **text.  
_


	6. Chapter 6

_a/n it's summer. i update in summer. no apology can possible make up for my bad updating. so enjoy._

Drug of Choice

-Like a little glass figurine that anything could break, he could be so terribly weak, this boy, this sweet, tender boy. But at the same time Lavi could not deny those slivers of time that were utterly dark and silent. Those slots in which Allen was heartless and unforgiving. Times when this shivering, whimpering person could tear down another with no regret, remorse, or pity.

_**Lavi gave as much comfort as he could, as he was able, he wished he could give **_**more****_, he knew he was willing to give Allen _whatever_ he needed so that he could see him smile._**

_He would do anything._

**Chapter Six: Heartbreak Warfare**

**Lavi kept candles in his room.**

**He lit them when the electric bulb of the lamp was too harsh for his eyes, it was in those silent moments when he was all alone in his bedroom, that Lavi lit the candles.**

**Flickering shadows and the soft brush of his fingers moving over paper, he turned to the last page and read through the three paragraphs in ten seconds flat.**

**Closing the book he pushed it aside.**

**Two weeks had passes yet again.**

**His calm school life became a thing of the past, now that finals were coming up for summer break he needed to study, and study hard.**

**But it was difficult to study when your best friend came to school everyday with new bruises.**

**What was harder was knowing who had done it.**

**But Lavi wasn't helpless, not entirely.**

**Allen didn't deserve this treatment, he should be treasured and loved.**

**He was a kind and loving person who needed to be loved.**

**That was all.**

**Kanda had no right, no _right_ to hurt him.**

**That bastard didn't know how much power he held over Allen's heart, all he thought of was himself.**

**Allen should leave him.**

**He deserved better, Lavi could love him just as much, even more than Kanda ever could.**

**T-that bastard...h-he-**

**he should die.**

**Allen looked up from his notebook to see Lavi walking into the library, a large red book.**

**He set it on the librarians counter while Tyki was busy chatting up Lulubell.**

**Taking his seat in front of Allen Lavi smiled.**

"**hey, studying are ya? That's good. Take a break from the whole Kanda deal."**

**Allen frowned and closed his notebook, it wouldn't do for Lavi to see that he was actually writing about what to do with Kanda.**

**The Asian had taken to cornering Allen at random places to beat up on him, threaten him and hurt him.**

**Secretly Allen adored it, finally he was getting the attention he deserved!**

**I knew Kanda was sadistic so bullying Allen gave him pleasure and Allen wanted to give Kanda pleasure! So it was currently a win win situation!**

**Things couldn't get any better.**

**Lavi reached forward and pressed his finger against a bruise Allen had on the side of his jaw.**

"**ow! Hey Lavi what the hell!" Allen protested giving his friend a small glare.**

**Lavi was frowning, that was never a good thing.**

**Leaning back in his seat Lavi observed him silently.**

"**any reason your smiling Allen? I'm pretty sure it'd be hard to smile when your being bullied by a sadistic psychopath."**

**Allen flushed, "i...um, you see i-...Lavi it's no big deal. Really..."**

**the younger boy leans forward with red cheeks, "i think he knows I like that kind of thing.**

**Lavi sighs tiredly, "no I don't think he does. You broke him up with his girlfriend. I don't think he's doing this so you'll like it."**

**Allen pouted and looked away.**

**It was kind of nice seeing him like this, in this mood. Joking, pouting, being bashful.**

**It filled Lavi's heart with funny feelings.**

**Then again, there was something else that filled Lavi's heart with funny feelings.**

**Kanda strode into the library his eyes narrowed into cerulean slits, grabbing Allen by his arm he dragged the boy out of the room, Allen protested for the hell of it and told Lavi to watch his stuff.**

**He never noticed the tightly clenched fists or the thin line of the boy's mouth, green eyes narrowed Lavi waited patiently for his rage to fade before moving. He might go after them and do something rash.**

**Like kill Kanda.**

**Like Kill Allen for liking Kanda.**

**A warm hand suddenly touches his tense shoulder.**

**Lavi shrugs it off feeling too angry to properly respond to anything.**

**It's Tyki, he's standing too close again.**

"**Is everything all right?"**

"**shut up."**

"**now, now. That's no way to speak to your superior Lavi."**

"**you're not my superior, you're nothing to me. Now leave me the fuck alone." Lavi hissed.**

"**I can see your jealous of them, but do not worry. Angry, sick relationships like that never last."**

**Lavi's expression darkens, "no. I don't think so. Someone has to die for it to end."**

**Tyki chuckles, "so dangerous, you're very different when your angry Lavi." he leans down to breath against Lavi's ear.**

_"**I like it."**_

**_+::+_**

**There was a sickening crunch when Kanda's shoe made contact with Allen's back.**

**A soft, weak scream left the boy's mouth but he couldn't move.**

**Being beaten day after day was an exhausting chore, really, Kanda was very, very sadistic.**

**But the thought that Allen might not be able to keep up with him was what kept him awake and clinging to consciousness.**

**He tried and tried but Kanda only got angrier, only hit him harder.**

**Each and every time he left him there bleeding and broken, without a word.**

**Allen sat up despite the unbearable pain his back gave him, his back and his left arm and his right leg.**

**Kanda stared down at him.**

"**you make me sick you piece of shit." he hissed.**

**Allen stared up at him, dizzy and losing consciousness.**

"**I love you..." he whispers smiling softly, eyes closing the world fading into black.**

**In the midst of fading into the world of sleep, Allen swore he heard Kanda speaking.**

_**Dammit...you fucking freak...what the hell is wrong with you?**_

_****_

**The candles were on again.**

**Flickering brightly in the space of the small bedroom.**

**There were no books open now.**

**Only soft gasps and whimpering moans.**

**Hot wax made contact with his skin and all he could do was gasp his name.**

**The larger, leaner body covered the pale, thin one below, the one whose hands were bound to the bedpost.**

**Red hair tangled and sticking to his forehead, Lavi moaned again when the wax hit his skin, burning him and leaving his skin red and sensitive.**

**Tyki leaned down with a grin, he ran his tongue over Lavi's wet cheek savoring the taste of his sweat.**

"**ah, I love this Lavi...you're so obedient."**

**Lavi whines again, thrusting his hips upward.**

"**s-shut up...it's only because you gave me that drink that i'm like this..." **

**Tyki grinned and kissed his way down to Lavi's throat pressing his lips to the warm, sweat slicked skin.**

**Biting down he chuckles at the groan he elicited from Lavi's lips.**

"**so, so good Lavi..."**

**Lavi arches his back again urging Tyki closer.**

**His mind is pleasantly blank. The only thought in his mind is to get off, to climax, to get fucked so hard he won't be able to think of Allen anymore.**

**Yes, he took Tyki's offer. He knew the price. He knew he would have to pay with his body to get what he wanted but this would be worth it.**

**Because in the end he could meet that man and he could save Allen.**

**After all, this was all for him, it was going to make everything okay for Allen again.**

_a/n i have a bad habit of writing random shit until it makes sense in my head. this story is a perfect example. that and omfg tyki plus candlewax plus lavi is WIN. x3_**  
**


	7. Chapter 7

a/n thanks for the reviews guys. they're fun to read. :3 here's another update.

_Drug of Choice_

_**chapter seven: back to our disaster**_

**Dinner is quiet.**

**There is something wrong, because dinner is NEVER quiet.**

**Lenalee looks up from her plate of rice and chicken to her brother's face.**

**He is quiet, eating quietly, eyes narrowed in silence, mouth barely moving as he chews his food.**

**Komui looks a lot like her, but his eyes are dark, his hair has taken something of a deep violet hue that can hardly be told apart from the neutral black it's always been.**

**He pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose and meets Lenalee's gaze.**

**"are you going to tell me what happened?"**

**his voice is soft and low, but serious.**

**Lenalee places the fork in her hand on the table and sighs.**

**"i-it...it wasn't going to last anyways..." she says quietly.**

**The memory of what had transpired was something she didn't want to think about.**

**At the same time she wondered how this would result, what had Kanda done to that kid?**

**She'd seen him walking about with fresh bruises on his face and arms, and for some strange reason Lenalee felt like she owed him.**

**That could have been her.**

**It gave her a strange feeling in her stomach, the thought that Allen Walker might be letting Kanda do this to him. It made her angry, that Kanda would beat up on someone who was so blindly, foolishly devoted to him.**

**At the same time that blind devotion made Lenalee sick with rage.**

**"how was the breakup?"**

**Lenalee frowned, "so many questions. It was loud, painful, but it's over so..-"**

**"did he hurt you?"**

**"no."**

**but he hurt that kid.**

**That sick kid.**

**"brother-"**

**she was interrupted by the sound of Komui's cellphone ringing.**

**He observed her for a moment, waiting for her to finish.**

**"it's nothing." she said softly, lifting the fork to finish her meal.**

**Komui stood and left the room.**

**Lenalee stopped eating and put the fork down, almost a month had passed since she left Kanda, and her life was back to normal.**

**It really was.**

**But she wished it wasn't.**

**It wasn't fair to him, that kid.**

**Lenalee covered her face with her hands and breathed deeply, trying to erase her thoughts of him.**

**:::+:::**

**"I have a favor to ask of you my friend."**

**Lavi watched from the corner of his bed. Tyki stood by his bedroom door shirtless, leaning against the door frame.**

**His jeans low on his hips, barefoot.**

**Looking for all the world like a content cat.**

**"yes, yes, I know. Your adorable sister is fine trust me. But I will allow you to exact your revenge upon him."**

**Tyki turns to face Lavi giving him the full view, smooth, muscled, caramel colored skin.**

**Those glowing gold eyes and undeniably sensual smirk.**

**There was a frantic voice talking on the other end of the line, Lavi could hear how loud he was speaking.**

**Tyki ran his free hand through his hair and stretched.**

**Lavi looked away.**

**A soft chuckle, "how will I do it?"**

**Lavi's breath hitches when he hears footsteps coming toward the bed.**

**"I'll give you a fair reason to do everything but kill the boy."**

**Lavi turns and finds himself pinned yet again by the damned librarian.**

**With one hand gripping Lavi's wrists Tyki grins down at him, a wide and creepy grin.**

**"what reason? I'll let my friend here tell you himself." he presses the phone to Lavi's ear.**

**-tell me.- a smooth, controlled voice says on the other end.**

**"h-he..." Lavi begins, it's hard to breath when Tyki was touching him like this. Pressing his tongue against Lavi's pert nipples.**

**"he's hurting my friend. He's beating him to a pulp! Everyday I see new bruises! Allen isn't a bad person! He loves him! He really does! That bastard doesn't get it! Allen didn't mean to break them up! He only wanted to show his love he- he...dammit..."**

**he couldn't even wipe the tears off his cheeks, and he flushed when Tyki licked them away chuckling softly at the taste.**

**"please...just...get him away from Allen."**

**-i see- the person on the other end whispered – I would like to meet you boy. To get more information before I make my move.-**

**"huh?"**

**-just a meeting boy. It's alright, I'm not like Tyki who takes his prize before he does what is requested of him.-**

**Lavi flushes, "O-okay-"**

**"Are you trying to steal him from me Komui?" Tyki whispers into the phone, "you know I don't like to share."**

**-He sounds so delectable though.-**

**Tyki grins, "well, we have known each other for a long time, but you should meet his friend. Now that is something connoisseurs like us would enjoy."**

**-I see.-**

**"well, I've got to go, he's writhing and impatient. Trust me Komui, you will love him."**

**-i hope so.-**

**Tyki clicked the phone shut and tossed it aside, he pulled the three fingers of his free hand out of Lavi who could barely manage a gasp.**

**Lifting the boy's hips he positioned himself between the boy's trembling thighs and leaned down to kiss his neck.**

**Lavi was tense and sick with pleasure, sick with the feeling that he'd sold himself.**

**But if it was for Allen then it didn't matter.**

**Tyki was all the way inside him in just one thrust, he was that loose.**

**It didn't matter.**

**He wasn't the type to get straight to it, Tyki moved slowly.**

**It doesn't matter.**

**It will never, ever matter.**

**The brief sting of penetration leaves his body too quickly for Lavi's liking, and he's clinging to those broad shoulders like they are his last lifeline.**

**Eyes clenched shut tightly and it doesn't matter because his heart belongs to Allen.**

**It will always belong to Allen.**

**Hot breath caresses his ear and he moans, no, he's been moaning all this time. Lost in this web of carnal pleasure.**

**Tyki grins and bites his mouth closed.**

**It doesn't matter at all.**

**::;+;::**

**The mornings are always a daze for Allen, but unlike all the other mornings this time he's not limping.**

**His leg stopped hurting yesterday afternoon, he was glad he didn't get it checked out, after all then they'd start asking questions.**

**His life was perfectly balanced now and he was happy, perfectly and utterly-**

**"hey! Walker! Wait up!"**

**the voice.**

**Bitter anger tightens in his chest, Allen stops and turns around.**

**Lenalee comes to a stop in front of him.**

**She is panting a little bit, but there is something in her eyes, not anger or aggression.**

**She smiles at him, it's small and timid but it's a smile.**

**"um...i wanted to give you something."**

**Allen is wary, very wary.**

**"did you?"**

**Lenalee reaches into her bag and pulls out a small box of band aids.**

**She hands it to him.**

**"um, I noticed you don't wear any. so...here."**

**Allen takes the box because it's always hand having one on hand, it's not like he doesn't have any or that nobody had ever bothered to give him any.**

**Lenalee looks away her expressions dark, "you...i don't know if this is what you intended but. You don't deserve this treatment."**

**Allen is surprised.**

**She's...what?**

**"he's mine now." Allen hisses.**

**Lenalee looks at him defiantly, "and you can keep him!" she snaps, "but-" she takes a deep breath, "but don't let him do this to you. A love like your that's so...um..."**

**"pure." Allen finishes.**

**Lenalee frowns, "yeah, pure. It shouldn't be answered in such a mean way. You...you deserve to see the side that I've seen of him."**

**"you do know that side was a lie right?"**

**Lenalee's frown deepens, "w-what?"**

**"Kanda's a fake. Totally fake. If you loved him you'd know."**

**Lenalee thought of holding in her anger but she realized it was pointless, if she held it in she'd be just like Kanda.**

**"what do you know? You're not the one who fucked him."**

**Allen smirks, "i have."**

**"i think you've got it mixed up. Whatever he's doing that leaves you like this isn't sex. It's rape and horrible. It's horrible. You need to stop this. He'll hurt you-"**

**Lenalee stops talking, her heart is pounding so hard in her chest, she aches to hold this tiny, miserable, confused boy in her arms.**

**He's so lost.**

**How could Kanda do this to him?**

**How could anyone want to beat up this poor, helpless kid?**

**She grabs Allen's arm and drags him down the hall into an empty classroom.**

**Allen is giving her a dark look.**

**She closes the door and locks it.**

**"take off your shirt." she says.**

**Allen glares, "i don't fuck girls Lenalee."**

**"I'm not going to fuck you, you idiot."**

**Allen is still glaring when he unbuttons and removes his shirt.**

**Lenalee gasps at the sight of Allen's body. His chest so covered in bruises and cuts, it's pale canvas marred with black, purple, yellow, green and red bruises.**

**It is a mural of pain, the shock brings tears to her eyes.**

**Lenalee looks away, it is too much to see him like this.**

**So much in pain, but it's 3even worse to see how he brushes his fingers tenderly over each and very bump a small smile on his lips as if relishing the memory.**

**This is sick.**

**This is so, very wrong.**

**She'd been planning this for a while so she pulled out the bandages and an icepack, some creams to sooth the muscles. She set all of them on one of the desks and knelt before Allen who was running his fingers over a large purple mark on his chest.**

**"where's Lavi?" Allen asks quietly not even wincing when Lenalee starts placing the cream on his bruises.**

**"who?"**

**"where's Lavi?" his voice is soft and numb of feeling.**

**"oh...is it that redheaded boy who is always at the library?"**

**Allen nods as Lenalee places yet another band aid on him.**

**"i haven't seen him at all this morning..." Lenalee said softly.**

**"Allen..." she says softly, "w-what else does he do to you?"**

**Allen's eyes narrow down at her, "what's that supposed to mean? Are you a voyeur?"**

**Lenalee shakes her head not taking his anger to heart, he was lost.**

**He was just a lost, lonely, sick kid.**

**"no, I just want to know if you need anymore bandages."**

**Allen shook his head, "he'll let up soon. He's only hurting himself. And I like it, because...because he likes it." Allen smiles that crazy little smile again and Lenalee feels sick to her stomach.**

**"if I just wait he'll change, he'll love me differently I just know it."**

**Lenalee stares at him evenly, "you do know that sounds completely crazy right?"**

**Allen sighs, "you wouldn't understand."**

**Lenalee smiles, "no...but it'd like to. If you'd let me."**

**Allen stares at her with a hard expression, "i don't know what you mean."**

**"you really love him so much you'd let him beat you and like it?"**

**Allen giggles, "let him? Don't be stupid. If I didn't like it I wouldn't let him do anything to me. It's his touch, his voice, each and every hit is like a kiss or caress to me. He is punishing himself and trying to establish a limit to how far he can push me.**

**But he doesn't know that I know what he's trying to do, it's very cute how clueless he can be. I'll let him think he's in control, but soon he'll get closer, he does each time. He'll be so close he won't be able to hold back and then. Just then. He'll be mine. All mine."**

**Lenalee stared at Allen a blank expression frozen on her face.**

**"wait...say that whole thing to me again but in a way that I can understand."**

**Allen smirks, "to put it plainly. Kanda wants to fuck me. He's angry that he wants to fuck me so he does the next best thing which is hit me. But each and every time he's getting closer to losing it and just doing what his body wants."**

**Lenalee frowns again, "which is to rape you."**

**"yes!" Allen grins, "it's perfect!"**

**"you're nuts."**

**"and you're a bitch."**

**Lenalee's frown lifts and she smirks, "it is interesting seeing Kanda so wound up like this. He was never like that with me."**

**"no I bet he wasn't." Allen said with a smirk.**

**"but listen...after he crosses that line and is finally yours...what will you do?"**

**Allen's pleased expression darkens.**

**"i don't know yet. I guess I'll find out when I get there."**

**Lenalee sighs and puts her hand on Allen's head, "how about I help you?"**

**Allen looks up at her from his seat.**

**"help me? No thanks. Keep yourself out of our relationship."**

**Lenalee sighs, "okay, okay. I'll treat your wounds though. Having you walking around with such marks is going to catch the attention of the teachers and they'll ask questions. I'm thinking you want to keep this under wraps."**

**Allen nods, "do what you want Lenalee. But If I even suspect you're trying to steal him from me i'll tell you this ahead of time. He won't go back to you. He wants me and not you. Got it?"**

**Lenalee nods, "yeah, yeah. Now put your shirt back on."**

**Allen stood and started buttoning his shirt when the locked door burst open.**

**Kanda stood in the doorway breathing hard and anger filling his entire face.**

**The sight of them however stumped him.**

**Kanda looked from Lenalee to Allen and back.**

**Allen was frozen not knowing how to react.**

**Did he just break the door down?**

**Lenalee took a step away from Allen but then stopped herself and stepped in front of him.**

**"do ya need somethin' Kanda?" she snapped narrowing her eyes.**

**Allen wanted to stop her but he couldn't he was frozen stiff, terrific beyond all reason.**

**The change in their relationship became apparent when Allen couldn't speak, his throat tightened and held back the words he wanted to get out.**

**He was so scared he couldn't speak.**

**He was never scared of Kanda in his life! Never...he...he was in love and those feelings gave him courage.**

**Why did that change so quickly?**

**"Allen, you don't have to go with him. Stay here, stay with me. Allen? Allen! Listen to me!"**

**Allen is taken from his thoughts by the sound of Kanda's footsteps crossing the room towards him.**

**Lenalee pulls Allen aside**

**"don't touch him you monster!"**

**Kanda just laughs and pushes her aside, it doesn't hurt her but she wasn't fast ehough to stop him.**

**Allen is taken, stumbling behind Kanda who has a painfully tight grip on his thin, frail wrist.**

**::+::  
**

**He's slammed against the wall first.**

**It stings, it hurts like hell.**

**Kanda slaps him across the face.**

**It burns.**

**"damn you." Kanda growls punching him in the stomach.**

**"damn you. Damn you. Damn you. Damn you-"**

**Allen is shoved to the floor of the empty locker room and Kanda stands above him breathing hard and heavily.**

**Allen stares up at him eyes huge and glazed.**

**Pleading.**

**Begging for him to just end it.**

**"f-f...fuck you..." Kanda hisses.**

**But he's falling to his knees before he can think straight and it's all too easy to crawl ontop of the boy's trembling body.**

**Allen doesn't resist the hands prying at his clothes, he doesn't have the strength for it.**

**But he can speak.**

**Even as Kanda is biting and sucking too hard at his skin Allen speaks.**

**"if...nnn...if you do this you'll- you'll be mine...you'll be al mine Kanda...ahhn!"**

**Kanda growls his hand pushing into the back of Allen's pants to press his fingers into tight flesh.**

**"fine. Dammit. Fine. I don't fucking care anymore, so long as you don't touch that woman. Don't even think of her dammit."**

**Allen cried out in pain as Kanda's fingers breached him.**

**And all he could hear was Kanda growling that angry mantra into his ears.**

**Then his world faded into darkness.**

**::+::  
**

_there's a threesome somewhere in here i just know it. :3_**  
**


	8. Chapter 8

a/m thanks so much for the reviews guys. i apologize for the bad spelling, grammar mistakes in this chapter. enjoy.

**Drug of Choice**

**chapter eight: The Final Hand**

_Sunlight, bright and warm caresses his skin as he exits the school gates. The walk home would be a little harder today. He has someone walking beside him now._

_An underclassman, but he won't let him have him, he'll do everything he possibly can to frighten that boy away._

_Subtly though, he didn't want Yuu to find out._

_Yuu didn't need to know of his impure feelings, of the thoughts that crossed his mind and the violent images that filled his head when he saw Yuu with his companions._

_Such a social boy despite the biting comments and bitter, angry stares._

_But maybe one day he would understand how much he loved him...maybe he'd know what to do with him then._

_ ::+::_

**Allen woke up at the sound of voices surrounding him, silver eyes fluttered open and a gasp was heard.**

**He sat up on his elbows glancing around.**

**There was another gasp and fast breathing.**

**"hello?"**

**_oh my, looks like he is awake._**

**_G-get off me dammit!_**

**_Shh, not so loud my dear._**

**_J-just go!_**

**Allen didn't want to think about what was going on outside his curtained space. But it was swept open and he realized it was the librarian, Tyki Mikk.**

**With his shirt buttoned wrong and his hair more mussed then usual.**

**The doctors assistant who was a pretty, young thing hurried out of the room clutching her tight white uniform to her chest. So subtle, Allen sneered at the librarian.**

**"have a good quickie?" he said loud enough for the assistant to hear and squeal when she tripped on her way out.**

**Tyki smirked.**

**Allen glared.**

**"what the hell am I doing here?" he asked. Where was Kanda? They had been just about to-**

**Allen flinched and moved his hips a bit but realized he wasn't that much in pain, it was only the brief and stinging memory of Kanda's fingers that remained, nothing more.**

**Tyki's smile was wide and dangerous as he stepped under the curtain rod and closed it shut.**

**"the doctor will be in soon." he said softly sitting beside Allen who moved aside.**

**"s-so? Where's Kanda?"**

**"who?"**

**"i-if y-you f-found me...h-he was there right? He would have been-"**

**"oh? You mean the angry young man who always snatched you away from Lavi at the library? Yes, he brought you here."**

**"w-where is he?"**

**"he's having a chat with the doctor outside right now."**

**Allen frowned, "b-but why? I'm fine. I feel fine. I just...i just-"**

**"passed out when he was trying to rape you." Tyki stated his eyes narrowing just a tiny bit.**

**Leaning forward Tyki tried to touch Allen's cheek but the boy flinched and moved away.**

**"just a like a bird." Tyki said with a chuckle.**

**"wh-what?"**

**"he was trying to hurt you. And as far as I know he'd been trying to for a long time."**

**Allen's eyes narrowed, "he loves me."**

**Tyki paused and leaned back a bit before bursting into laughter.**

**"Lo-Love? Are you serious boy? Oh! Oh! Oh! That's rich! I mean really! Ahahah-"**

**"shut the fuck up!" Allen hissed, "you don't know anything!"**

**Tyki stopped laughing and leaned forward again, invading Allen's personal space. "actually, I know more than you give me credit for."**

**Allen's gray eyes narrowed, "and that is?"**

**"he doesn't love you. He never will."**

**"and what makes you think that?"**

**"oh, the evidence is all over your body."**

**"these, " Allen said pulling open his school shirt and unveiling the band aids and bandages on his chest.**

**"these are proof that he loves me." Allen said firmly.**

**Tyki stared at the wounds that marred the otherwise exquisite petal white chest.**

**"oh, how could he..." Tyki whispered softly reaching to touch one of the bandages.**

**His gold eyes roll up to meet Allen's, "may I?"**

**Allen is frowning, wary of Tyki's intentions, "f-fine."**

**Tyki pulled off one white bandage and saw the swollen, red bump protruding from Allen's petite torso, he frowned again, deeper this time.**

**Then he pressed his lips to it, kissing it slow and warming the cold, hard flesh with his tongue.**

**Allen gasps and yanks Tyki's head back hard, his fingers tangling in his dark brown hair.**

**Tyki looks at Allen evenly his gaze showing now pain or hesitation.**

**"w-what the hell are you doing?"**

**"you were wrong boy." he whispered hotly his hands moving to Allen's hips.**

**"wh-what?"**

**"he doesn't know how to love you." he hisses pressing forward and peeling off a band aid with his teeth.**

**Spitting it out he growls darkly, "he's marked you and hurt you but he's not made you his. You have not been taken properly boy. That insolent brat wouldn't know how to do anything like this. He does not know how to love you, as virile and desirable as he is, he is ignorant."**

**Allen's eyes were wide and frightened, "s-shut up! You don't know anything!"**

**"no, I don't. But I know how to properly mark what's mine boy. I know exactly what to do to make you squirm and writhe with desire." Tyki was moving lower despite the desperation Allen demonstrated by tightening his grip in Tyki's hair.**

**Tyki slowly unbuttoned Allen's pants.**

**"D-dont...what the hell are you doing?"**

**"he would never do this. You know he wouldn't. And if he did it would hurt and be terrible. I'm much, much better."**

**Tyki pulled Allen's pants over his hips and Allen squeaked and tried to scramble away. Tyki stopped him and used his unbuttoned school shirt to bind his arms before setting him properly back on the bed.**

**Allen's heart was pounding, pounding with confusion because _fuck_ he didn't know what he wanted anymore. Was Tyki right? Did Kanda know about this kind of thing? W-was Kanda really so ignorant he'd never even thought of this before? Would that really have been horrible?**

**Allen whimpered when Tyki pressed his lips to his lower abdomen as his hands occupied themselves moving along Allen's naked hips. His fingers warm, almost hot on Allen's cool flesh.**

**Allen squirmed, unable to control his thoughts. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe normally but he couldn't, this was so different. So completely different, incomparable.**

**Parallel to what Kanda had done.**

**Kanda would leave him beaten to a pulp on the ground but t-this guy, Tyki. Tyki the librarian for god sake was making him shudder and moan just because of his fingers!**

**These thoughts had distracted Allen from Tyki's current actions and it was far too late before he realized what was happening.**

**Tyki's mouth covered the head of Allen's penis before he moved downward bringing Allen deeper into his mouth and he'd done it purely for the satisfaction of seeing Allen's shocked, pleasured and confused expression.**

**"ahh-oh...oh g-god...T-Tyki, Tyki! S-stop! F-f-fuck! Tyki! Tyki p-please-"**

**the curtain was swept open suddenly.**

**Tyki almost pulled back, but he recognized that particular sound of heavy breathing, he was perfectly familiar with that scent.**

**"A-ALLEN?"**

**"L-LAVI?"**

**"TYKI?"**

**Tyki pulled his mouth off Allen's erection and looked up at Lavi who was flushed and confused and looking from him to Allen.**

**"do not just stand there Lavi." Tyki said with a smirk, "make your self useful and occupy the boy's mouth for me. His moaning is giving me a headache."**

**Allen flushed so red it was hard to breathe, he looked up at Lavi again, "h-help me. i- I can't move my arms!"**

**Lavi didn't move.**

**Allen felt so lost, Lavi was finally here, after weeks of not seeing him he was finally here.**

**Why wasn't he saving him?**

**"Lavi come on! Get me out! I have to find Kanda-"**

**"shut up." Lavi snapped.**

**"Lavi?" Allen whispered.**

**"just...why can't you forget about him?"**

**"L-Lavi...i...you know why...i love him-"**

**"then i'll make you forget him!"**

**"what?"**

**"we'll both make you forget him!"**

**Allen's mind went completely blank when Lavi kissed him.**

**It lasted for a few minutes before Lavi pulled away.**

**Seeing him like this, so aggressive and angry scared Allen.**

**But Lavi stepped back, "i...dammit Tyki." he hissed.**

**Tyki looked up at Lavi and smirked, "what? You'd rather kiss me?"**

**Lavi flushed a red so deep it looks almost painful.**

**"f-fuck I can't do this! J-just finish him...I'm not...i can't...-"**

**"Lavi? Lavi get me out of here. Please. Help me." Allen pleaded breathlessly while Tyki licked his length in it's entirety.**

**Lavi frowned at Allen but it deepened into a terribly sad look.**

**"this will help you forget. He'll help you forget that guy. He won't leave scars and bruises on you. And when he's done i'll come back so you can see that I will love you. I will truly love you."**

**a dangerous look entered Allen's eyes at that look.**

**"what the hell would you know about love? Huh? Fuck you Lavi! If you loved me so much you would have done something long ago! You would have taken me from him! You would have...you wouldn't have..."**

**"would you be happy then?" Lavi whispered, "wouldn't you have just left and gone back to him? Because you _love_ him?"**

**Allen shuddered softly at Tyki's ministrations but as he tried to come up with a reasonable answer Lavi spoke first.**

**"you are the one who doesn't know SHIT about love Allen. You think it's just pain and possession. But you forgot about the passion, the patience, the kindness, those..those times when you smiled at me, your smile was so pure. That's the way your supposed to be. And it's HIS fault you're like this! It's all his fault you're this sick kid who thinks he likes being beaten! Well I give up. I. Give. up. I wish you happiness."**

**Allen didn't even feel his orgasm, all he felt was a sharp ache in his chest as Lavi stalked out and slammed the door behind him.**

**Slumping back against the soft pillows Allen stared blankly at the ceiling not moving at all to resist Tyki.**

**He shuddered, moaned and tightened his fingers in the sheets.**

**But his mind was elsewhere.**

**He was looking for the days before Kanda Yuu.**

**And he did not hear the muffled growls that came from beside the bed.**

**He did not think to peek behind the other curtain to see his beloved Kanda bound and gagged sitting right beside the bed.**

**Neither did he see the man in spectacles who looked so much like Lenalee, siting in the doctors chair wearing the doctors coat with a wide, wide smirk on his lips.**

_He's watching him outside his bedroom window again, binoculars in hand._

_Kanda is taking that boy's hand in his, he's leaned forward to press a kiss to his cheek._

_The boy giggles and kisses Kanda's cheek._

_Damn him, damn Kanda. How dare he? How fucking dare he?_

_Hold that boy's hand. Kiss that boy's cheek. Smile at that boy? _

_They leave the room together and he's watching by the streetlight as they say their goodbyes._

_One last kiss on the cheek._

_One more smile and Kanda is gone._

_Upstairs to his bedroom._

_The other boy is alone._

_All alone._

_He moves slowly waiting until the boy is close to the school, he has to be somewhere familiar._

_And he makes himself known sneaking behind the other boy._

"_Ahh!" the boy turns around in shock, then he smiles._

_He smiles such a pretty smile._

"_Hey Lavi. What are you doing here so late?"_

_Lavi smiles back placing his hand atop Allen's head._

"_Nothing. Just taking a walk."_


	9. Chapter 9

_a/n thanks for the reviews here's the next chapter._

Drug of Choice

**chapter nine: if nothing is true, what more can I do? I am still painting flowers for you.**

**It wasn't easy to realize that you can't remember much about the person you were before you fell in love.**

**But it was much, much harder to realize that when you were, things were different.**

**Because it used to be mutual.**

**How do you react when you realize that before, you used to hold hands, you kissed him on the cheek that one time in fifth grade.**

**How happy you were. How kind. How painfully _in love_ you were.**

**It's hard to realize that everything has gone wrong.**

**And when Allen came to this awareness, it seemed so clear.**

**Everything made complete sense.**

**Of course, it was hard to concentrate when the librarian was trying to stick his thing up Allen's ass.**

**Allen squirmed and tried to pull away, Tyki held his hips still though, and he knew there was no getitng out of this.**

**But he needed to see Kanda.**

**He needed to see that cruel, heartless man again.**

**"Tyki..." Allen hissed, his breath hitching when he felt the head of Tyki's cock press against his well oiled hole.**

**Tyki looked up at Allen, his eyes glazed, his expression determined.**

**"yes, boy?"**

**"i need...i want you but...f-fuck. I need to hold on to something so just...just untie me."**

**Tyki smiled but he hid it by pressing his mouth against Allen's neck.**

**His large hands were behind Allen in an instant. He pulled the shirt loose and as soon as Allen saw his chance he slid out of Tyki's grip, he snatched one of the patient robes that hung beside the bed and put it on.**

**Tyki didn't chase him, he sat in the bed staring at the empty space where Allen's warm, willing body had been.**

**Wondering what he'd done wrong.**

**The door closed shut and he chuckled.**

**"that boy...he-"**

**"he was just as cute as you said." Komui said coming out from the other side of the bed.**

**Tyki glanced at him over his shoulder, "he was. Tasted good too."**

**"now what?"**

**"i don't think anymore punishment is needed." Tyki says staring down at his hard on.**

**" I just wish I knew how to get rid of this."**

**Komui chuckles and sits behind Tyki, not too close but close enough to reach around and grab hold of the rigid flesh sticking out from between the brunettes legs.**

**"don't mind if I do."**

**Tyki grins lewdly and leans back against Komui's chest.**

**"we've been friends for too long to be shy Tyki." Komui said with a cheerful tone, the sight of Tyki hiding his face in his hands was adorable.**

**"i know...but I'm also aware that if I see you doing this i'll...i'll...-"**

**"shush Tyki." Komui said with a wry grin, "don't think just feel."**

**::+::**

**Allen managed to sneak into the soccer team's locker room and steal Lavi's uniform.**

**The red and silver jersey fit him a little big but he didn't worry, as long as the shorts wouldn't fall off his narrow hips everything was fine.**

**When he stepped out of the dark empty room he began to search for Kanda.**

**The swimming teams locker room was empty because the members of the team were in their classes.**

**He wandered down the halls peeking into some of the classrooms until he ran into Lenalee in the stairwell.**

**"oh, hey Allen whats-wait, are you okay?"**

**Allen frowned at her, "huh? Why?"**

**"well, I thought you were on the swimming team, not the soccer team. Besides, the team has practice on Tuesdays. Today is Monday."**

**Allen sighed, "oh, I'm not on the soccer team, I'm just borrowing Lavi's uniform."**

**"oh, okay. So, why aren't you in class?"**

**"i...er...i hate to ask you this Lenalee." and he did, he despised asking her something he was supposed to know.**

**"do you know here Kanda is?"**

**Lenalee's eyes narrowed, "no, why the hell would I know that? Did he hurt you again?"**

**"n-no."**

**"whatever. Hey I think my brother's in today, he might have some spare clothes for you. So you can change, it's kinda risky for you to be wandering around in that. Those shorts look like their about to slip off."**

**Allen blushed, "oh...i...didn't know you had a brother..."**

**"well, I do."**

**"w-where is he..."**

**what was wrong with him? Stammering in front of this woman?**

**Allen knew he was acting out of sorts, but who cared if the shorts were loose, he wanted Kanda.**

**"listen I have to go." Allen said suddenly, he didn't want to follow this girl.**

**"oh give me a break Allen, my brother will know where he is."**

**"he will?" Allen asked before he could stop himself.**

**"yeah." Lenalee grabbed his arm and led him down the stairs.**

**Allen followed because Kanda was the only thing on his mind.**

**It didn't strike him as odd that she was leading him back to where he'd come from.**

**The door the doctor's office opened, showed Tyki standing by the window smoking a cigarette and Kanda bound to the bed Allen had been in not 30 minutes ago. The doctor or perhaps this was Lenalee's brother was standing by the bed preparing a syringe.**

**"brother?" Lenalee said letting go of Allen's arm.**

**"what are you doing?"**

**Komui looked up and saw her, he smiled brightly. "oh, you're just in time Lenalee, I was just about to punish your terrible ex-boyfriend."**

**Lenalee screamed launched herself into the room to stop him, Allen would have followed.**

**He had to.**

**Kanda was his.**

**The sight of those blue eyes meeting his own was too much for Allen's heart he stepped forward.**

**But he didn't make it into the room.**

**"Komui STOP!"**

**Lenalee slaps the syringe out of her brother's hand and shoves him away.**

**"Lenalee!" Komui cries, "why are you so cruel Lenalee? I was punishing him!"**

**"how dare you touch him Komui!" Lenalee screamed, "HOW DARE YOU?"**

**because the truth of the matter was.**

**She'd never stopped loving him.**

**It was better to separate because in the end he never would have been happy with her.**

**That side she'd seen of him, the side that held her hand, that ran long, strong fingers through her hair. The side that held her down and built the pressure until she could barely speak, until all she could do was call out his name.**

**That side of him that never made her coffee the morning after but still kissed her goodbye was real.**

**It had always been real.**

**That kid, Allen had made him this way, he'd done it all by breaking his heart so callously.**

**And he was hurt so terribly that all he could do was inflict pain, he would have done so until his heart died. Allen had turned him into a monster.**

**"Kanda, Kanda? Wake up. Look at me. Kanda?"**

**Kanda's blue eyes fluttered open and he glared at the sight of her.**

**Slipping in and out of consciousness thanks to the drugs Komui had forced into him Kanda couldn't even speak.**

**"Kanda it's okay, I'm here. I'll stay with you. I'll get you out."**

**Lenalee untied his wrists and set his arms in a more comfortable position.**

**Kanda was dazed, his pretty blue eyes looking everywhere at once, his breathes were erratic.**

**"I'll take care of you now." Lenalee whispered, "please, let me love you." she placed her hand on his face and kissed him softly.**

**He began to mutter something softly but she ignored it and continued to kiss him, smoothing down his hair to calm him down.**

**Komui stood by the window fuming.**

**Tyki glanced at him and chuckled, "it is more interesting to watch isn't it?"**

**Komui glared at him, "i hate it."**

**"of course you would."**

**Tyki smirked and lit another cig.**

**Lenalee smiled against Kanda's moving lips and leaned back, a triumphant feeling filling her heart, she'd taken him back. Allen had no chance now.**

**Kanda was hers again, she'd take such good care of him, she would fill him with love.**

**She would help him recover from the sickness Allen's strange love had instilled in him.**

**"A-Allen..."**

**Lenalee's green eyes widened impossibly, "Kanda?"**

**"Allen...Allen...Allen..." Kanda's huge blue eyes pleaded for an answer, "where...is...Allen..."**

**Lenalee slumped to the floor and buried her face in his hands.**

**Kanda's hand found it's way to her hair and he caressed it softly.**

**"where is he?"**

**All she could do was cry.**

**a/n :)  
**


	10. Chapter 10

_a/n wow, soo many reviews hehe. i'm really surprised so many of you like this crappy story haha. i appreciate all of your reviews, i also apologize for the legnth, this is kinda short i guess. also, i'd like to apologize for the errors and stuff cause right now i don't have a beta and i'm far too lazy to look over it myself becasue it's almost midnight and i want to sleep. so yeah, keep up the good reviews i'll get back to you guys. _

* * *

**Drug of choice**

**chapter ten: Try**

**"I've known you all your life."**

**a muffled whimper.**

**"for so long...all I've done is love you. Care for you. Stand by your side."**

**a second muffled whimper.**

**"but you've never once looked at me."**

**Lavi has been pacing for well over an hour. Allen doesn't know where this place is, he knows it's not in school though.**

**Somewhere outside, an empty warehouse down by the street where their old elementary school was.**

**It became more familiar as Allen's frantic gaze scanned the area, this was where he and Lavi, and Kanda and Alma used to spend their time.**

**Before Alma moved away and left them all by themselves.**

**"don't tell me you didn't notice Allen." Lavi said bitterly his quick pace of back and forth and back and forth filling the large, hollow area with the sound of his steps.**

**"i mean, I always made you smile. I did! Even when you were with him back then...when you guys were..."**

**if he could speak he wouldn't cry for help.**

**He would justify himself, because he had the right to.**

**He was sorry he hadn't noticed earlier.**

**He was so, so, _so_ sorry he hadn't noticed earlier.**

**"you remember when you used to walk home with him? Back in middle school?" Lavi paused to turn and stare at Allen.**

**He was kneeling on the ground, his legs and arms tied with thick rope. The gag in his mouth was the bundled up soccer jersey.**

**A trembling nod of the boy's head let Lavi know that yes, he recalled those days that now seem so far away.**

**"oh good." Lavi said with a sarcastic tone, "you remember when you used to leave me all alone so you could go be alone with _him."_**

**Allen struggled to speak but he couldn't get a word past the wet cloth in his mouth.**

**Frustration showed itself in a broad flush in the boy's face and neck.**

**"i'm sure you had a grand old time holding hands with him didn't you? Did you have fun? Did it feel good to just forget me?"**

**what did he mean forget him?**

**Dammit, Lavi was always around they walked home together countless times! Whenever Allen had left Yuu's house Lavi would always appear out of the blue and-**

**"-and i'd see you with him! It made me sick, but of course you couldn't see me and now that I think about it I could have been in the most obvious place and you still wouldn't have seen me. Why? Because I wasn't even on your mind! You weren't ever thinking of me."**

**the look in Lavi's eyes was scary. Was this all true?**

**"i've always watched you Allen...since Alma left and Kanda turned to you...i just...i couldn't take it! You have to understand that I love you. I. Love. You."**

**Allen leaned back agaisnt the warm stone wall, it was the late afternoon and it was getting dark.**

**He needed Lavi to calm down.**

**Allen stared at Lavi to catch his attention.**

**"what?"**

**…**

**"what the hell do you want from me now?"**

**…**

**"just say it damn you!"**

**Lavi went to Allen and yanked the shirt out of his mouth, Allen bent forward coughing violently.**

**"well? What do you have to say to me?"**

**"I'm s-sorry..."**

**Allen lifted his head.**

**This was all his fault, he was the one who was careless with his only friend.**

**Everything that had gone wrong was his fault and-**

**"sorry? You think it's that easy? Dammit everything was going perfect! Fuck you Allen I didn't break you two up so that you could get back together!"**

**Allen's breath froze in his throat.**

**Wh-what?**

**T-togehter? They had never been together like that! Sure, in the back of his mind Allen remembered holding his hand and kissing his cheek, he recalled talking about everything with him.**

**He remembered what Kanda's smile looked like.**

**But none of those things had anything to do with Kanda now.**

**The person Kanda was now was not the same person he was then.**

**But...he didn't remember Lavi doing anything to separate them, he remembered Lavi telling him that Kanda was mad at him for how close he was to Lavi.**

**Allen had gone to confront him and...and they yelled at each other, anger seeped it's way into their relationship and broke it apart.**

**They never spoke until now, until Allen fell in love.**

**Yet here Lavi was, saying that he was the one who separated them.**

**He caused that painful argument.**

**"you...it was you?" Allen whispered.**

**"come on! Of course it was me! Nobody else loved you. Nobody! Only me! It was always me!"**

**Lavi's hands were trembling.**

**"but now...now you've gone and ruined everything. You went and...and decided to go all stalker on him and you left me behind again! I will not be left behind again!"**

**"Lavi-"**

**"do you know what I did to get you back Allen? Do you know what I had to do? I had to sleep w-with...w-with that fucking...fucking librarian Allen! Tyki! I let him...i let him do things to me that I don't ever want to mention! Ever! I kinda fucked everything up because now the idea of touching another man is so...so disgusting I...i couldn't...i couldn't even kiss you like I wanted to..."**

**Allen was pale and longing to hug his friend...this was all because of him.**

**Lavi had been suffering so much and Allen was only thinking of himself and Kanda.**

**That guy was probably getting back together with Lenalee anyway.**

**"i..." Lavi's green eyes filled with unshed tears and he fell to his knees clutching his hair.**

**"i don't even know why I'm doing this anymore!" he shuddered, "is it okay...is it okay for me to hate you?"**

**Allen struggled to get out of is bonds, because...because no, it wasn't alright! Lavi couldn't hate him.**

**N-no...**

**but he slumped back against the wall and sucked in a deep breath.**

**"Lavi i-"**

**"i can't love you anymore...because if I do...I'll go so fucking crazy..."**

**"it's okay now Lavi. Untie me... please...i should take you home...we should just...just..."**

**Lavi took a deep breath and without another word he untied Allen's arms and feet.**

**The boy stood up and took Lavi into his arms.**

**Lavi shoved him away, "d-don't...don't _touch _me..." he whispered shaking.**

**"b-but Lavi we're...we're..."**

**"just leave. Please...just...i don't...just get _out._"**

**Allen felt something inside his heart shrivel and die.**

**Bringing his hands to his mouth he just stepped away, tears began to fall and he just ran.**

**He just ran out as fast as he could.**

**

* * *

a**_/n btw, Allen's ass is still virgin, nobody has had sex with him at all. thank you._**  
**


	11. Chapter 11

A/N scared ya'll there for a minute didn't i? :3 anyway i was like 'naww i'll do it later' then i forgot and one day i logged into and saw that this story has...134 reviews. why? i have no idea. you guys...you're all..so..freakin...awesome...i think i died for a minute there. seriously. i love you guys. so this update is for you guys cuz...ur cool and things. i heart you...deep in my pants. srsly. okay you can go read now. 3

**Drug of Choice:**

**Chapter 11: the sound of the wind.**

**It was all a whirlwind of chaos and internal pain. Allen's head was throbbing and his throat and chest felt tight. He didn't know where to go now, stumbling blindly down the street in any direction.**

**He stumbled onto a bench at a nearby park and he pressed his hands against his face breathing hard and fast.**

**It was all so messed up now…his best friend…his most treasured friend in the whole world was in love with him!**

**So many questions filled Allen's mind. There were Demands as to why he hadn't seen it sooner or why he had never done anything. How could he have let it go on for so long? Why was he so blind?**

**So ignorant and childish and cruel…So _cruel._**

**The pain of losing a friend is something that stays. There is nothing that can make it go away, it remains and for all Allen wished it to not be real or true...it was too late.**

**A friendship that had taken his whole life to build up was now in ruins. Not only had he lost Kanda but he'd lost Lavi and it was now that he felt the sting of loss deep in his heart. It felt like something embedded inside him was ripped out and it left him hollow and bleeding.**

**If he'd only known sooner than this could have been avoided…Allen was so sure it all could have been avoided if he'd just…**

**Just what?**

**What could he have done to stop this?**

**It was a heavy burden to realize that nothing could have prevented this, in the end Lavi might have forced himself on Allen, he would have hurt Kanda, and he might have even hurt himself and even if Allen had left Kanda alone that wouldn't stop Lavi from being in love with him.**

**Bitter tears slipped down Allen's cheeks and he wiped them quickly and distracted himself by glancing at his surroundings which seemed familiar.**

**He could never answer Lavi's feelings because his whole heart and life belonged to one man…one miserable, hateful man.**

**And as if triggered by his mere mention a vivid memory came unbidden into Allen's mind of Kanda, tiny and angry standing by the swings glaring at him with those deep blue eyes of his.**

**This was where they had met the first time.**

**The sound of the wind in the pines and the soft hum of the cars passing in the distance made Allen's heart calm just a little bit.**

**Until he turned and saw Kanda standing by the bench still in his school uniform but with his hair down and swaying gently in the cool evening breeze.**

**Allen's eyes stung and his throat tightened again as his heart skipped a beat.**

**He looked away.**

**"I wish…I wish I'd never laid eyes on you…" he muttered bitterly.**

**If it had been any other time then he would never even think of such a thing. Kanda was his everything, his life, his love, his reason for living.**

**"I know." Kanda answered almost gently.**

**Allen's hands tightened into fists, "I wish I had changed schools…th-that I'd never told you about my feelings because now when I think about that day it sickens me…"**

**"You can't change it." Kanda said slowly, "you can't just walk away now."**

**Allen turned to look at him, "yeah I can, right now. I'll just leave town, pack my things and get out because this is so messed up…I can't deal with this anymore. I was too focused and selfish to see what was really happening and the worst part is I can't blame anyone but myself."**

**Kanda took a step forward, "shut the hell up you fucker. You're not leaving because that fucking loser didn't have the balls to tell you anything until it was too late. I'm not letting you go."**

**Allen flinched, "you don't understand how hard it can be to say something like that…you don't-"**

**Another step, "you told me didn't you?"**

**Allen glared, "what?"**

**"You told me. And even though I fucked Lenalee afterward you still persisted, you stuck to me like the fucking plague and after what I did to you that day you still…still wanted me to finish you off."**

**Allen flushed from the embarrassment at his own words, "yeah, so? In the end what was that worth? The price was too high and I hadn't even noticed…I…I hadn't bothered to look around me and I followed what led me to you so blindly."**

**"And I'm here…" Kanda whispered taking the last steps toward Allen, "I'm right fucking here dammit."**

**This wasn't right and despite that in the back of his mind he knew that it wasn't really his fault he couldn't stop himself from taking all the blame. His heart demanded it because Lavi was his friend and Allen was supposed to look after him!**

**That's what friends were supposed to do.**

**Yet here was Kanda. Kanda of all people telling him that it wasn't his fault and that the only one to blame was Lavi for not being strong enough to speak his mind about what really mattered.**

**"You little shit say something already!" Kanda snapped his blue eyes flashing.**

**Allen felt slightly out of breath, "why are you here…" he asked resigned and desperately needing to change the subject.**

**"tch, you're more of an idiot than I thought." Kanda sneered.**

**Allen looked away from him.**

**He was weak, and it was obvious that Kanda hadn't seen him like this before.**

**He could see it in Kanda's eyes 'what no snappy comeback? No lustful whisper in my ear about how much you want me? What happened? Lost all your steam? You piece of shit you can't deal with what I have, you weren't ready for it and now-**

**Then he saw.**

**Kanda saw that the walls had been lowered and he dared another step closer.**

**He had to because this was familiar, deceptively so.**

**Allen wiped a stray tear from his cheek and glared down at his knees sniffling.**

**he heard a swishing sound and turned his head to Kanda and saw that he'd gotten down on his knees and was touching his hair.**

**Allen slapped his hand away and glared fiercely, "what the hell are you-"**

**Kanda effortlessly shut him up with a kiss, both hands cupping his cheeks with his warm hands and pressing close.**

**Allen shuddered and placed his hands on Kanda's broader shoulders in surrender.**

**It was warm, comforting and Allen felt light with his heart all fluttery.**

**'Damn you Kanda, Damn you to hell and back.'**

**They separated slowly, their lips touching briefly again and again as if they didn't want it to end, the first real kiss they'd ever shared.**

**Kanda's blue eyes were wide and curious like a cat's and Allen thought to himself how cute it would be if Kanda would start to purr.**

**Kanda stood up and grabbed his wrist, "well come on now dammit, I'm hungry."**

**Allen smiled up at him and was standing up to join him when suddenly there was a 'click' and it happened in an instant, a loud crack echoed in the silent evening air and Allen's upper body was suddenly spattered with blood.**

**But the only sound Allen heard was Kanda slumping to the ground.**


	12. Chapter 12

a/n thanks for the reviews guys, they were funny to read and inspiring. another thing, i'm not really good with grammar and i'm terribly lazy as you all very well know, so yeah, i apologize.

**Drug of Choice: The Adress**

**Allen's heart almost came to a stop.**

**This couldn't be real, no! NO!**

**He felt to his knees and wiped frantically at the blood on his face and neck but then he stopped and crawled to where Kanda was lying unconscious and bleeding profusely from the bullet wound in his midsection.**

**"Kanda!" Allen cried gripping Kanda's shirt collar, "Kanda wake up! Please…p-please!" Allen held Kanda close to him in a desperate and irrational need to keep him warm. He glanced around and caught sight of the perpetrators.**

**Komui reloaded his gun and aimed straight at Allen, he tilted his head to the side as if pondering whether or not he should do it. Tyki was facing the other way, watching the roadside by the park, he noticed what Komui was doing and chuckled, "hey, you're not gonna shoot him again are you?"**

**Allen watched them silently his face whiter behind the blood spatter then they'd ever seen it but he was quiet and the unease of the situation was evident in his eyes.**

**Komui smirked, "no, don't worry about it. Although I am a bit annoyed, it seems my aim is a little off today. "**

**Tyki sighed but then chuckled, "oh well, we all have our off days don't we?"**

**Komui sighed and put the gun away; he gave Allen a little wave and began to walk away. Tyki however came closer and knelt near Kanda's body and touched Allen's cheek; it was cold and wet with Kanda's blood.**

**"Now see here kid, it's not anything against you, I'm just doing what I was told." He reached down to find a cigarette.**

**Allen was staring at him as he lit it and took a deep drag.**

**"Why?" he whispered with a scratchy voice.**

**Tyki's golden brown eyes flickered with amusement, "ah, see that is something you should ask that cute friend of yours. He'll know."**

**Tyki stood up with his cigarette held between his teeth and hands brushing dust off his pant legs.**

**"Gotta go kid, good luck with the Jap, If you get him to the hospital in time then he should be fine." And with a final wave Tyki disappeared.**

**The last of the sun began to set and eventually some bystander noticed and thanks to that bystander Kanda was taken to the hospital.**

**That was how it happened.**

**And so the world came back into play when Allen shifted and stretched his sore back while sitting in the waiting room at one in the morning.**

**Allen leaned back on the hard plastic chair and stared at the reflection in the clear glass wall.**

**Deep circles under his eyes, he was a pasty white color and his hair was matted with blood along with his shirt and arms.**

**But there was something on his face he'd never seen before, something dangerous.**

**A smirk, he was smirking at his own reflection.**

**And as if under a spell he stood up on his feet and slowly walked toward the glass, running his hand through his blood soaked hair he placed his bloody finger to the cool surface and traced two names.**

**'Komui Lee…Tyki Mikk…'**

**They had to pay for trying to take his Kanda away from him.**

**Kanda was in that room with tubes shoved down his throat and there were bandages and not three hours ago he'd been under the knife with his life slowly slipping away.**

**And not one hour ago they'd told him that Kanda had slipped into a coma from all the blood loss.**

**'_We don't know when or if he'll wake up.'_**

**'_You poor thing, you should go home and wash up.'_**

**'_Did you see him? That kid looks like he was the one who shot him! All that blood…'_**

**Allen's smile twitched a bit and he straightened himself and walked down the empty hallway.**

**"Allen?" Lenalee hurried toward him when burst through the hospital doors.**

**"Allen where is he!" she cried grabbing the Allen by the shoulders to stop him from leaving, "tell me dammit!"**

**Allen slapped her hands away from him and took a step back; he stared at her with a smug expression, "don't touch me like we're friends or anything."**

**Lenalee looked like she's been slapped, "w-what? B-but…wait, tell me where Kanda is!"**

**Look at that worry in her eyes, isn't it cute? Although sadly misplaced, if anything she should be with her brother right now.**

**"He's fine. The doctors took care of him and he's not in any danger."**

**Except he won't wake up.**

**"I was hoping to consult a different doctor about his situation though."**

**"Situation!"**

**"Yes, Kanda is in a coma and the useless medics here don't know if or when he'll wake up."**

**Lenalee put her hands to her mouth in horror, "w-what! Oh my god! W-wait! My brother! He'll know! Let me give you his number-"**

**"No." Allen smiles at her, "it'll be fine, just tell me where he is right now. I'll take care of the rest."**

**Lenalee reached for her wallet with shaking hands, she pulled out a pen and a slip of paper. It was obvious that she wasn't thinking straight, that she was panicking about Kanda. There was not a chance that she could see the look in Allen's eyes, after all he wasn't talking about killing anyone. He just needed some medical counsel.**

**That was all.**

**Lenalee handed Allen the slip of paper and said, "I'm going to ask a nurse about Kanda's room number. I'll stay with him while you go and get my brother."**

**"Of course, don't worry, I'll take care of it." he moved to leave her but she stopped him by placing her hand on his shoulder again, "Allen…i…thanks…thank you for…for calling me here i-…i…Kanda and I owe you so much."**

**Allen gave her a dark little smile but she didn't feel the animosity, "I'll be right back."**

**The paper was slipped into Allen's back pocket the minute he finished reading the address written on it.**

**The night air cooled his skin as he stepped out of the hospital and out into the dark streets like a hunter on the prowl.**

a/n i wonder how long this is going to go on...?


	13. Chapter 13

_a/n thanks for the reviews everyone they motivate me like whoa yaay. so yeah, this seems to be coming close to the end? haha, i just know i'm gonna get flaamed. watching harry potter feelin' fly like it's quidditch~_

**Drug of Choice**

**Chapter thirteen: the Yellow Rose**

**He'd never been one to think before acting, and so his actions came instinctively. As did the gun.**

**Of course he knew where to find Komui, he'd been keeping tabs on Lenalee's brother for some time, as a side job to keeping tabs on her too. She was after all the only thing keeping him and his beloved Kanda apart. She was out of the way now which was perfect, because the last thing Allen needed was a whining, desperate and angry Lenalee going after him.**

**He understood that his mind wasn't so clear at this moment, and he was sure he'd been stabbed by one of Komui's goons. This had played out just like a bad mafia movie. He got in shot a few people, laughed manically, got covered in blood and at some point he'd been punched and the gun was stolen. He was quicker than they thought and managed to steal another gun. After the shooting had ended though, his white shirt was red with blood, both his and those goons.**

**Goons because he wouldn't put names to their faces, they came and were gone before they hit the ground. Komui had no idea just what he had unleashed in Allen Walker, surely he had no idea what Allen was willing to do, go through, for his beloved.**

**X3X**

**'_We can be friends first right...I mean…I've never thought about it like this…I guess I thought I'd like to get to know you first. Lavi doesn't really like you though, I don't know why. I guess he just doesn't know you well enough. Let's all be friends Kanda, even though Alma isn't here anymore…let's be best friends. And then maybe…when I'm a little bigger and you're a little bigger…w-we…we can…we can you know…do that stuff. Ha ha. I'm sorry…I'm just so nervous.'_**

**'_Why? Did I do something? I don't know what you're talking about! No! what! Wait a- you're actually serious! Fine! FINE! Just go! I don't care…you…I never want to see you again!_**

**_I never want to see you again!_**

**_I never want to see you again!_**

**_Ineverwanttoseeyouagain!_**

**_Again-_**

**_Again-_**

**"Kanda!"**

**His eyes fluttered open and met the worried and relieved gaze of his…his ex-girlfriend.**

**"Where's Allen?" he whispered, his voice felt raspy.**

**Lenalee was smiling at him but it faltered and she looked away, "Allen? Oh he's…he's-"**

**X3X**

**"Ah, so you've come at last."**

**Komui smiled in amusement.**

**Allen staggered as he past the threshold of the old warehouse.**

**He was out of ammo and too weak to handle a knife. This he knew, yet ignored because Kanda was waiting for him, Kanda had almost died because of this man.**

**Kanda would have DIED.**

**Allen chuckled, "ah, well that is what it looks like isn't it?"**

**Komui rose from where he'd been sitting, a slab of wood placed on a pile of evenly set concrete bricks.**

**"This really is like a video game isn't it?"**

**Allen smiled wryly.**

**"It's how I designed it to be. All my precious worker ants are hooked on some stuff I designed myself. I call it the Komurin 480. Little pink pills, pink so it's friendly you know, it keeps them in line."**

**"They didn't have really good aim." Allen sneered.**

**"They got one hit on you didn't they? Doesn't matter, they were just experiments after all, just like your friend."**

**Allen's eyes narrowed.**

**"Oh, you didn't already guess? Come now, how did you think Tyki was able to seduce him so easily? With his looks alone? Silly boy."**

**Allen's hatred for Komui reached such impossible heights that if he hadn't been so badly injured he might have done something.**

**Anything to end the life of this horrid man.**

**"What did he do!"**

**Komui's smile was dark and he strode toward Allen in his expensive, tailored pinstripe suit and expensive shoes.**

**"Simple. Slip Lavi the pill, make him docile, ask him questions, make him feel pretty and fuck him." Komui smiled sweetly.**

**Allen growled and it was a savage sound, his body trembling with rage and yet he couldn't do anything to this monster, it was taking all his energy just to stay on his feet.**

**"It was simple really!" Another voice came from the other end of the warehouse from where Allen had entered.**

**He knew that voice, the teasing voice so sensual despite the sickening amused tone.**

**"Well, well it's about time you joined us Tyki." Komui said flashing a grin at him.**

**Allen didn't turn around but his senses were keen on Tyki's movements.**

**"I just couldn't stay quiet when you began to talk about that precious boy. He was so…_delicious_. But not as much as you Walker boy. " Tyki sounded much closer than before, "It's such a pity I didn't get to have you, such a terrible pity."**

**He grabbed Allen on the back of the neck tightly and hauled him up from his hunched stance, "but let's see if we can fix that shall we?"**

**X3X**

**"Where is he?" Kanda sat up but a sudden sharp pain in his chest stopped him from doing so, and then he remembered. "Is he okay? Please tell me he's okay."**

**Lenalee buried her face in her hands, "I'm sorry Kanda…they-they can't help him anymore."**

**X3X**

**"You bastard!"**

**"Oh no, such dirty language from such a pretty creature, no, no we simply cannot have that." Tyki breathed on Allen ear and ran his tongue along the edge. Allen flinched in disgust, "Get off me you sick fuck."**

**"I like that boy, I really do-"**

**Komui came up front and grabbed Allen by his hair forcing him to look up while Tyki held his arms in place.**

**"What's wrong dear boy?" Komui smirked, "You look worried."**

**No strength left, there was nothing Allen could do to stop them, both their heated bodies closed in on him at once and he was lost.**

_das threesome. do i write it? are you guys feelin teh porn or do ya just want me to get straight to the...er...what comes after. i'm sorry guys i don't have this planned out AT ALL. see ya'll next time and i'm lookin' forward to your reviews..flames about grammar so yeah._


	14. Chapter 14

A/N i just wanna say thanks to all of you who have stuck with this. it's not the greatest story with the greatest plot or the greatest grammar and frankly i'm actually happy and pleasantly surprised you stuck with my bad updating habits and terrible procrastination this far. really, thanks so much. here's the final chapter of Drug of Choice. ((btw that last update was a very sarcastic and terribly unprofessional reaction to a review or several reviews i received all saying the same thing 'loved it a lot' and nothing else. i apologize for being a jerk.)) whatta tweeeeeeeeest! :D

**Drug of Choice**

**Chapter fourteen: Good Evening**

**He wrenched away before they could make full contact. Allen was riddled with all kinds of feelings, fear and hatred battled with shameful lust and his body felt as if it were in a trance, heat pooled in his most sensitive areas and his eyes had wandered for those few moments he'd been trapped between them. Tyki cursed when Allen elbowed him in the stomach and Komui swiftly moved out of the way before Allen could do the same to him.**

**But he was caught again, still disoriented from all the revelations and the attack Allen was grabbed by the arm and yanked back into Komui's tight grasp, Tyki turned on him and grabbed him by the throat an insane grin twisting his mouth, "how silly of you to think you could actually escape. You stupid, stupid boy. Do you even think you have something to go back to?"**

**"damn fucking right I do! You pieces of shit can't stop me!" Allen cursed, "I won't run away anymore! I'll stop you and make you pay for what you've done to us!"**

**"To who?" Komui whispered teasingly into Allen's ear, "What have we done that is so wrong? You know it was for you, dear Lenalee was so worried about you and Lavi. And Lavi also, they just wanted to help you guys out."**

**Tyki stepped closer, "so did we."**

**"You bastards!" Allen snarled, "I'll kill both of you for even touching him!"**

**Tyki's eyes flashed and he leaned in like a dangerous predator closing in on its prey, "him? Which one are you talking about? Lavi or Kanda?"**

**The fury that engulfed Allen's senses was renewed and he struggled at Komui's grasp.**

**"I'll fucking kill you! I'll kill you Tyki! You'll pay for everything you've done to him!"**

**Komui laughed, "really now, didn't you hear him the first time? Which one are you talking about boy? We got them both. Surely you've learned that you can't have them both. So which is it? Who are you avenging?"**

**Allen's pale grey eyes were like storm clouds, fierce and strong.**

**Tyki chuckled and caught Allen's chin between his fingers, "ah, I see. It's him? Really? After all this you still chose him…well then, I suppose it wasn't pointless after all."**

**Allen caught sight of a shadow in the distance but was shocked out of his reverie by the press of sharp hold metal pressing against his throat.**

**"Since you won't stop resisting I guess we'll have to make you."**

**Allen went still in Komui's grip and gasped at the chilling sensation of Tyki's free hand prying at the button of his jeans.**

**He couldn't stop resisting even as tears filled his eyes when despair began to set in. He hadn't thought it through, the idea that he might not make it out of here alive had never hit him, not truly…he'd never taken anything seriously until he met Kanda. And so it made sense that he die trying to avenge him…if anything…if only for Kanda.**

**He felt the blade cutting into his skin as Tyki carelessly distracted himself with Allen's body now that it had stopped resisting him.**

**The first tear fell, "I'll never s-stop….resisting…"**

**Tyki grinned up at him, "good, if you stopped that would make it boring wouldn't it."**

**"hey Tyki at least let me hold the dagger." Komui said, "you'll cut him accidentally at this point."**

**Tyki didn't answer and Allen felt his tongue press against his stomach, he felt sick.**

**"Tyki give me the damn knife!" Komui cursed, then he let go of one of Allen's wrists to reach over his shoulder to grab Tyki's weapon but suddenly it was dragged to the side cutting Allen as Tyki slipped to the floor dead.**

**Komui tossed Allen aside in alarm, "what the hell?"**

**Allen couldn't breathe and his consciousness was slipping away all he saw in those final moments was Lavi standing by his body with a dagger of his own in his hand.**

**It was dripping with blood.**

* * *

He woke up slowly, at first blinking blearily as if the world were a blur, he couldn't focus on anything and his neck hurt a lot, but it was more painful just to breathe. Not able to turn he tired to make sense of the voices he could hear around him.

"Allen? Allen! You're awake!"

It was light and feminine, Lenalee.

He felt someone grab his hand and hold it.

The touch was warm and it emitted feelings from that person he was sure that that person would never say in person.

'You're back'

'I missed you'

'Damn it Allen you always make me worry'

Lavi.

Lavi was here.

"L…."Allen coughed violently and painfully.

"I wouldn't try that if I were you." Kanda said from the corner of the room, "the doctor said that even if you wake up you won't be able to talk for another month. I guess that slash did a lot of damage to your throat."

Allen tried to lift himself up but he couldn't, both Lavi and Kanda helped him sit up in silence.

Lenalee smiled brightly at him.

"I'll go call the doctor now that you're awake." She said smiling.

Turning around and leaving the room she left Allen alone with the two people who's live had been changed and ruined by him.

Kanda sat beside him and cupped his cheek in his hand, leaning down he pressed his lips to Allen's forehead.

He didn't smile and remained serious, there was so much that Allen wanted to say to him.

Yet he couldn't od anything but reach for his hand and smile.

Kanda blushed and glanced away but Allen saw the almost invisible hint of a smile on his lips.

He turned to Lavi who sat beside him staring blankly at the sheets that covered him. he was wearing a cast on his other arm and he had a bandage on his right eye. What had happened to him? What had Komui done? Why had everything gotten so terribly messed up that his friend had such injuries? Why couldn't he talk in the most important times? Why?

A tear slipped from his eye and Lavi brushed away leaning in and kissing his cheek.

The door to his room suddenly opened, Lenalee poked her head in, "hey guys the nurses said that visitors time is over, so come on let's get some coffee or something!"

She closed the door.

Lavi's grip tightened on Allen's hand a bit but he let it go, with one last understanding nod he walked out of the room.

It was fine.

There was nothing more to say.

It seemed as thought everything was going to be fine, after all the shit they'd gone through it seemed like there was finally a light at the end of the tunnel.

Kanda pressed his lips to Allen's mouth and moved back, "I guess I'll see you later then."

Allen smiled and nodded, 'definitely,' after all he and Kanda had a lot to catch up to.

He watched Kanda's back as he retreated from the room, all that flowing blue black hair and that tall, lean body moved farther away from him.

Allen wanted to be healed already so he could scream Kanda's name over and over again.

Leaning back into his pillow Allen closed his eyes visualizing what awaited him after recovery.

The door opens and closes.

He hears a clipboard snapping and the soft scratch of pen on paper.

The other sound he doesn't recognize.

When he opens his eyes and looks up he can't scream.

He can't cry for help.

For god's sake he can't even move.

"Hello, my name is Dr. Komui Lee and I'll be tending to your wounds this evening."

Allen can't even struggle as Komui prepares a hypodermic needle with an unknown substance.

"This will put you back to sleep in a jiffy." Komui says with a creepy smile as he injects it into Allen's limp arm.

"Don't worry; I'll make sure to give Kanda your final regards."

_fin._


End file.
